Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v.1

Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 1
Due to the decreasing number of children in developed countries, societies are going to have more age average. So, this shows that some societies are going to be aged. Now, there is debate that some of these societies can be vanished in next years. So, is this ageing has more benefits or not? Maybe the biggest impact of it, is more medical expenses for a government, which has incredible damages for a country. To view it from a positive aspect, we can mention some points that are useful for improving. An aged country have more experienced percent, who can be used to treat more successful young bosses. Also, most of the times, they nag much less than younger, and just adopts themselves to the situation. In contrast, adults or matures always want to improve and have a better life quality and more facilities to live. For example, mostly a man who is more than 70 years old is not a real fan of sports clubs like pools, pitches, or gyms. So, the facilities there are changed once in a while. However, the disadvantages are more noticeable, which two crucial ones are reviewed here. Aging particularly make a sharp rise in the percent of people who need to get medical treatments that most of them are using insurances which a government provided for them, so, a government is responsible for a great part of the money that should be paid to a hospital. Moreover, when they pass away and because of the lack of adults cannot learn tradition or culture it, it would be dying down after a period. A brief example is some Latin communities, which they traditions are just mentioned in the articles. Indeed, we need a moderation between adults and older people to cover all the needs and make a community survive. Therefore, an ageing society has a lot of troubles for a dominion not only when they are alive, but also when they die there would be more problems.
Due to the decreasing number of children in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are going to have more age average.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are going to
be aged
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, there is debate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
can
be vanished
in
next
years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, is this
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
has more benefits or not? Maybe the biggest impact of it, is more medical expenses for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which has incredible damages for a country.

To view it from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect, we can mention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points that are useful for improving. An aged country have more experienced percent, who can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to treat more successful young bosses.
Also
,
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
, they nag much less than younger, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
adopts themselves to the situation.
In contrast
, adults or matures always want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and have a better life quality and more facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
For example
,
mostly
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is more than 70 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is not a real fan of sports clubs like pools, pitches, or gyms.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the facilities there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
once in a while.

However
, the disadvantages are more noticeable, which two crucial ones
are reviewed
here. Aging
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a sharp rise in the percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
medical treatments that most of them are using insurances which a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provided for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for a great part of the money that should
be paid
to a hospital.
Moreover
, when they pass away and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of adults cannot learn tradition or culture it, it would be dying down after a period. A brief example is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Latin communities, which
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they traditions
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
mentioned in the articles.

Indeed
, we need a moderation between adults and older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to cover all the needs and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a community survive.
Therefore
, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
troubles for a dominion not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they are alive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
there would be more problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts