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Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v.1

Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 1
Due to the decreasing number of children in developed countries, societies are going to have more age average. So, this shows that some societies are going to be aged. Now, there is debate that some of these societies can be vanished in next years. So, is this ageing has more benefits or not? Maybe the biggest impact of it, is more medical expenses for a government, which has incredible damages for a country. To view it from a positive aspect, we can mention some points that are useful for improving. An aged country have more experienced percent, who can be used to treat more successful young bosses. Also, most of the times, they nag much less than younger, and just adopts themselves to the situation. In contrast, adults or matures always want to improve and have a better life quality and more facilities to live. For example, mostly a man who is more than 70 years old is not a real fan of sports clubs like pools, pitches, or gyms. So, the facilities there are changed once in a while. However, the disadvantages are more noticeable, which two crucial ones are reviewed here. Aging particularly make a sharp rise in the percent of people who need to get medical treatments that most of them are using insurances which a government provided for them, so, a government is responsible for a great part of the money that should be paid to a hospital. Moreover, when they pass away and because of the lack of adults cannot learn tradition or culture it, it would be dying down after a period. A brief example is some Latin communities, which they traditions are just mentioned in the articles. Indeed, we need a moderation between adults and older people to cover all the needs and make a community survive. Therefore, an ageing society has a lot of troubles for a dominion not only when they are alive, but also when they die there would be more problems.
Due to the decreasing number of children in
developed countries
,
societies
are going to have more age average.
So
, this
shows
that
some
societies
are going to
be aged
.
Now
, there is debate that
some
of these
societies
can
be vanished
in
next
years.
So
, is this
ageing
has more benefits or not? Maybe the biggest impact of it, is more medical expenses for a
government
, which has incredible damages for a country.

To view it from a
positive
aspect, we can mention
some
points that are useful for improving. An aged country have more experienced percent, who can be
used
to treat more successful young bosses.
Also
,
most of the times
, they nag much less than younger, and
just
adopts themselves to the situation.
In contrast
, adults or matures always want to
improve
and have a better life quality and more facilities to
live
.
For example
,
mostly
a
man
who is more than 70 years
old
is not a real fan of sports clubs like pools, pitches, or gyms.
So
, the facilities there are
changed
once in a while.

However
, the disadvantages are more noticeable, which two crucial ones
are reviewed
here. Aging
particularly
make
a sharp rise in the percent of
people
who need to
get
medical treatments that most of them are using insurances which a
government
provided for them,
so
, a
government
is responsible for a great part of the money that should
be paid
to a hospital.
Moreover
, when they pass away and
because
of the lack of adults cannot learn tradition or culture it, it would be dying down after a period. A brief example is
some
Latin communities, which
they traditions
are
just
mentioned in the articles.

Indeed
, we need a moderation between adults and older
people
to cover all the needs and
make
a community survive.
Therefore
, an
ageing
society
has
a lot of
troubles for a dominion not
only
when they are alive,
but
also
when they
die
there would be more problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that an ageing society will disappear? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more old people in society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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