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Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail. v.1

Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail. v. 1
Pets have lived with human since ancient time. They have supported us to do agriculture and be a friend. But some people dispute that pets are not clean, that they should not live together with us. In this essay I want to argue that pets can live together with human. They can be part of our family and reduce the loneliness of some people. Cleanliness is very important. Many popular pets, such as a dog or cat, usually want to go outside and come with dirtiness because they likely to play with grass and soil, there are their nature of them. For instance, my cat like to go to my courtyard of my house and sometime it has dirt as well as insect attach with their fur. Therefore, it is my responsibility to clean my cat after its comeback. Pets would not because of disease or bacteria if it was clean. My cat is as one of my family and every people like to play with. However, my grandmother may be the one who loves the most because everyday other people have to go to work, therefore it has only my cat that live with her. There are a lot of researches that explain pets can decrease our depression or Alzheimer for older people. At lease, my grandmother will not feel lonely because she has the cat stay with her. In conclusion, I believe that have a pet in the family have some advantages, not only be a friend, but also mitigate some mental illness that cause of depression or other mental disease.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pets
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with human since ancient time. They have supported us to do agriculture and be a friend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dispute that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are not clean, that they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with us. In this essay I want to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with human. They can be part of our family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the loneliness of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Cleanliness is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
, such as a dog or cat,
usually
want to go outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with dirtiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they likely to play with grass and soil, there are their nature of them.
For instance
, my cat like to go to my courtyard of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and sometime it has dirt
as well
as insect attach with their fur.
Therefore
, it is my responsibility to clean my cat after its comeback.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pets
would not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of disease or bacteria if it was clean.

My cat is as one of my family and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to play with.
However
, my grandmother may be the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyday other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to work,
therefore
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my cat that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with her. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
researches that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can decrease our depression or Alzheimer for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. At lease, my grandmother will not feel lonely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she has the cat stay with her.

In conclusion
, I believe that have a pet in the family have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be a friend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
mitigate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental illness that cause of depression or other mental disease.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think success is important, or it is more important to remain happy and optimistic when you fail. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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