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do you prefer to work in the office or work at home? use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

do you prefer to work in the office or work at home? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
The age of criminals becomes young and it rises fast in many cities of the worldwide. The source of this issue came from financial problems in every society. Thus the government should organize some plans to decrease the rate of teen crime. Poverty, inflation and unemployment among teens people are the reasons for entering into the world of crime. Moreover, usually this teen living in undeveloped parts of cities that there are no good schools, education and also, they don't have any equipment for a normal life. The culture of this suburb's shown them that they need violence to reach what they want. However, often youth wants to have different and new experiences and breaking the law is one of their hobbies. In addition, sociologist believes that people, especially, the youth, have no decency to cities and old-fashion ideas like family, religion and tradition don't work for them as an identity. Thus, they don't control themselves and because of these evidences, their tendency to crime will increase. There are various solutions for these problems and the government should pay attention to improve their lifestyle and prepare jobs and keeping the inflation stable. On the other hand, municipalities have to create symbolic icons and sign in cities and invite youth to contribute in non-governmental organizations. For example, the lifestyle of youth is change and systems should try to understanding their behaviour by statistic and analyses of action and reactions. Moreover, they can allocate the budget to plans which have focused on sports and entertainment for this generation and it's help spend their energy in this kind of activities. In conclusion, crime increasing among youth around the world and it came from economic and social identity issues which the government and mayors in the cities must attend to solve these problems.
The age of criminals becomes young and it rises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of the worldwide. The source of this issue came from financial problems in every society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should organize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
plans to decrease the rate of teen crime.

Poverty, inflation and unemployment among teens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are the reasons for entering into the world of crime.
Moreover
,
usually
this teen living in undeveloped parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
that there are no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
schools, education and
also
, they don't have any equipment for a normal life. The culture of this suburb's shown them that they need violence to reach what they want.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
wants to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and new experiences and breaking the law is one of their hobbies.
In addition
, sociologist believes that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
, have no decency to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
like family, religion and tradition don't work for them as an identity.
Thus
, they don't control themselves and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of these evidences, their tendency to crime will increase.

There are various solutions for these problems and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their lifestyle and prepare jobs and keeping the inflation stable.
On the other hand
, municipalities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create symbolic icons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and invite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
to contribute in non-governmental organizations.
For example
, the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and systems should try to
Did you mean "understand"?
understanding
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
by statistic and analyses of action and reactions.
Moreover
, they can allocate the budget to plans which have focused on sports and entertainment for this generation and it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
spend their energy in this kind of activities.

In conclusion
, crime increasing among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
around the world and it came from economic and social identity issues which the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and mayors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
attend to solve these problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay do you prefer to work in the office or work at home? use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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