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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to learn a second language from early childhood. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v.321

Parents should encourage their children to learn a second language from early childhood. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 321
With an advent of the internet, people have access to almost anything they like or need at their fingertips. This leads to many people believing that we have excessive choices these days. And, I completely agree with this view, and this essay gives reasons why that is the case, and offer real world examples to support the claim. Netflix and YouTube are two of the most popular websites on the internet with access to billion plus videos in their digital library. Just three decades ago, storing videos required physical space, but with the invention of digital media, anyone can store entire planet's movie content in a space smaller than a two football field and make it available to rest of the world with the click of a button. Because these websites are not limited by physical constraints like previous generations of movie rental stores, they can offer practically infinite choices to people. This has lead to cause of choice paralysis where one cannot decide what to watch because the selection is infinitely large. While examining the access to physical goods, similarities can be drawn easily. Websites like Amazon and Wal-mart offers an unfathomable reach of physical goods from all around the world. Similar to video providers, these sites are not limited by physical spaces as any item can be shipped directly to consumers. This allows these sites to offer any products as a part of their inventory. For example, amazon currently house a catalogue of over 10 million books, unreasonable amount for even the biggest library to carry, because the book can be shipped directly from the distributor to any end user. These days one can select and purchase anything from a pen to parts to build rockets. In my opinion, people have too many choices in every part of their daily life. In conclusion, people have infinite choices in practically everything from movies to rarest books on earth through the internet.
With an advent of the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have access to almost anything they like or need at their fingertips. This leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing that we have excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
these days. And, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and this essay gives reasons why
that is
the case, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
real world examples to support the claim.

Netflix and YouTube are two of the most popular websites on the internet with access to
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
plus videos in their digital library.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
three decades ago, storing videos required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
space,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the invention of digital media, anyone can store entire planet's movie content in a space smaller than a two football field and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it available to rest of the world with the click of a button.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these websites are not limited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
constraints like previous generations of movie rental stores, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
practically
infinite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This has lead to cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
paralysis where one cannot decide what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the selection is
infinitely
large.

While examining the access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, similarities can
be drawn
easily
. Websites like Amazon and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Wal-mart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
an unfathomable reach of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
from all around the world. Similar to video providers, these sites are not limited by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
spaces as any item can
be shipped
directly
to consumers. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
these sites to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
any products as a part of their inventory.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
amazon
currently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
a
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalogue' is British English.
catalogue
of over 10 million books, unreasonable amount for even the biggest library to carry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the book can
be shipped
directly
from the distributor to any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
user. These days one can select and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything from a pen to parts to build rockets.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
in every part of their daily life.
In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have infinite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
in
practically
everything from movies to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the rarest".
rarest
books on earth through the internet.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents should encourage their children to learn a second language from early childhood. Use specific reason and examples to support your answer. v. 321

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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