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Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? v.1

Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? v. 1
Sports are popular leisure activities in modern society. Also, it is a job that some people who are professional athletes do it for a living. Professional athletes are regarded as public figures who have tremendous influences on the public, especially teenagers. Athletes are undoubtedly famous among teenagers as teenagers usually have a tendency to chase their idols violently. By means of broadcasting, helping charities, filming documentaries or just focusing on the game, athletes can spread positivities to people around the world. When we see hardworking sportsmen win the competitions, we would realize the spirit of persistence. Every time the coordinated basketball team wins, we understand the importance of teamwork. Teenagers mind would be full of sportsmanship and positive thoughts that are to lead them to better people and successes. Kids with persistence, for example, are exceedingly inclined to accomplish their work and fulfil their dream. In addition to athletes’ performances on the court, there is more way that they can impact people. Myriad athletes have established a foundation for those who are neglected by society with their fund and fame. Since everyone, including teenagers, have put a lot of emphasis on those athletes, it is rather easy to catch people’s attention on the charitable issues. It not only helps people in need, but also strengthen the moral aspect of the public. It is extremely hard to build up one’s ethical thoughts, but easy to break down, especially for teenagers who are still learning to be good. Athletes, having utter influence on teenagers, are ought to stay on the good track in order not to make the teenagers, who regard them as their models, go astray. Being famous is a given privilege to do many things people dream of but it also comes with great responsibility to spread positivities to people around the world.
Sports are popular leisure activities in modern society.
Also
, it is a job that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do it for a living. Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
are regarded
as public figures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have tremendous influences on the public,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
are
undoubtedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
usually
have a tendency to chase their idols
violently
. By means of broadcasting, helping charities, filming documentaries or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focusing on the game,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
can spread positivities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.

When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
hardworking sportsmen win the competitions, we would realize the spirit of persistence. Every time the coordinated basketball team wins, we understand the importance of teamwork.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
mind would be full of sportsmanship and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thoughts that are to lead them to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and successes. Kids with persistence,
for example
, are
exceedingly
inclined to accomplish their work and fulfil their dream.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes’
performances on the court, there is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a more".
more
way that they can impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
have established a foundation for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are neglected
by society with their fund and fame. Since everyone, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, have put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
emphasis on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, it is
rather
easy to catch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention on the charitable issues. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strengthen the moral aspect of the public.

It is
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build up one’s ethical thoughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
easy to break down,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
still
learning to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Athletes
, having utter influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, are ought to stay on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
in order not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
regard them as their models, go astray. Being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
privilege to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
dream of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with great responsibility to spread positivities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you believe that professional athletes make good role models for young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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