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More and more people work from home or study from home with the development of computer technology. Do you think it is positive or negative development? v.1

More and more people work from home or study from home with the development of computer technology. Do you think it is positive or negative development? v. 1
The tendency of people studying or working at home is raising a debate about whether the advancement of computer technology is a positive contributor. While I partly agree with the merits of technology to working and learning system, I do hold some viewpoints about its possible negative effects. The advent of computer science has constantly brought about various applications to schools and workplaces. By developing online management systems with developed communication software, employers are now able to implement procedures in distant administration activities and keep track of working performances of their subordinates, and these employees can also work without presenting at their offices as well as perform their tasks online without interrupting their process, thus leads to higher productivity. Meanwhile, an excessive number of online courses facilitate learners to choose from various choices of disciplines and fields compatible with their abilities. Therefore, such affordable learning methods offer a convenient development in education system and extend the age range of learners, which previously are only suitable for graduates due to its time-consuming and long-term commitment. On the other hand, computer users should not underestimate the disadvantages of their using such devices to working and studying. It is obviously that disruptive computer software and peripheral applications such as social media, video games may reduce the working and learning efficiency of their users since it draws much attention toward them and easily cause digression during working hours. To a larger extent, while computer technology strengthens individual independence with workplace and school, it is likely that weakened social relationships between personnels or students may occur, due to less time spent communicating directly with their partners. This, unfortunately, is exacerbating a social issue in the modernized world. In conclusion, the trend of working or studying from home during the era of technology development is inevitable. However, it is crucial that individual concern over avoiding drawbacks of technology to their performances should be prioritized.
The tendency of
people
studying or
working
at home is raising a debate about whether the advancement of computer
technology
is a
positive
contributor. While I partly
agree
with the merits of
technology
to
working
and learning system, I do hold
some
viewpoints about its possible
negative
effects.

The advent of computer science has
constantly
brought about various applications to schools and workplaces. By developing online management systems with developed communication software, employers are
now
able to implement procedures in distant administration activities and
keep
track
of
working
performances of their subordinates, and these employees can
also
work without presenting at their offices
as well
as perform their tasks online without interrupting their process,
thus
leads to higher productivity. Meanwhile, an excessive number of online courses facilitate learners to choose from various choices of disciplines and fields compatible with their abilities.
Therefore
, such affordable learning methods offer a convenient development in education system and extend the age range of learners, which previously are
only
suitable for graduates due to its time-consuming and long-term commitment.

On the other hand
, computer users should not underestimate the disadvantages of their using such devices to
working
and studying. It is
obviously
that disruptive computer software and peripheral applications such as social media, video games may
reduce
the
working
and learning efficiency of their users since it draws much attention toward them and
easily
cause digression during
working
hours. To a larger extent, while computer
technology
strengthens individual independence with workplace and school, it is likely that weakened social relationships between
personnels
or students may occur, due to less time spent communicating
directly
with their partners. This, unfortunately, is exacerbating a social issue in the modernized world.

In conclusion
, the trend of
working
or studying from home during the era of
technology
development is inevitable.
However
, it is crucial that individual concern over avoiding drawbacks of
technology
to their performances should
be prioritized
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people work from home or study from home with the development of computer technology. Do you think it is positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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