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Some high school required all student to wear school; other high school permit students to decide what to wear to school. v.1

Some high school required all student to wear school; other high school permit students to decide what to wear to school. v. 1
Are school uniforms important? While some colleges, especially the ones in western countries, allow their students to determine what they wear to school, schools here do not permit such and only wants their student to wear a specific uniform. In my view, I completely agree with the latter assertion. For those who leave the decision of what to wear to school for students, the claim is that this attitude does not affect the optimum goal of schooling-learning practical and theoretical principles of life. In supporting this point, it is said that once students in high schools are properly taught, the need to look at what is being worn becomes inconsequential. But, when they are allowed to loaf around rather than concentrate on school works, then things like fashion becomes a topic of consideration. However, in my opinion, which is the same as the belief in this part of the world, school uniform is important to distinguish and create uniformity for colleges. For example, students of the numerous schools around my area can easily be differentiated, especially in moments of emergencies such as a large mass casualty. Additionally, it is also believed that wearing uniform help remove any emphasis on fashion and makes education the focus. In this way, anxiety associated with fashion and the number of clothes a student put on per week is eliminated from their psychology. In conclusion, while some do not see the need for school uniform in high schools because they believe it does not have a significant effect if the students are well taught, others think that a sense of identity is important and I share this view too
Are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
? While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
colleges,
especially
the ones in western countries,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to determine what they wear to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
here do not permit such and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wants their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to wear a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
. In my view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter assertion.

For those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the decision of what to wear to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the claim is that this attitude does not affect the optimum goal of schooling-learning practical and theoretical principles of life. In supporting this point, it
is said
that once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
properly
taught, the need to look at what is
being worn
becomes inconsequential.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to loaf around
rather
than concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
works, then things like fashion becomes a topic of consideration.

However
, in my opinion, which is the same as the belief in this part of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to distinguish and create uniformity for colleges.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of the numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
around my area can
easily
be differentiated
,
especially
in moments of emergencies such as a large mass casualty.
Additionally
, it is
also
believed that wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
remove any emphasis on fashion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
education the focus. In this way, anxiety associated with fashion and the number of clothes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
put on per week
is eliminated
from their psychology.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the need for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they believe it does not have a significant effect if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are well taught, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a sense of identity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and I share this view too
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some high school required all student to wear school; other high school permit students to decide what to wear to school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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