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Do you agree with the following statement? Schools should focus more on science and mathematics than on humanities courses. v.10

Schools should focus more on science and mathematics than on humanities courses. v. 10
Benefits and drawbacks of courses has been a controversial issue in the community lately. While some people claim that science and mathematics have some significant benefits, others keep up that they constitute a number of undeniable profits. Because, humanities courses should find in syllabus. Although both sides have several pros and cons, ı am think that humanities courses offer have several advantages. There is valuable for society and attractive to many business. I will elucidate the details of my support with some tangible detail an examples in the following paragraphs. Firstly, humanities courses have many benefits and advantages. When Students graduate school, they lack of social ability. Because our schools do not give enough courses about humanity. Nowadays, some people are under the stress on digital life, they lose to relations with family members and other people. they do not know how struggle with this. Community compose of people who have emotions, feelings and thinkings. Due to the humanity courses students learn that creates human nature. Moreover, public has some valuable judgement which should transfer to the next generations. Secondly, students have divisive factors among the business life that affects career way. All of world has undergone digital converting which is milestone in this era. Computer programs thinks solutions for our problems, but they are formed with codes which have not humanity concept. Some head hunters search for social workers who achieve public. They can find job easily. For example, people resources department or guest relations. Some people believe that the sciences courses more important than humanities courses. Supporters of this idea claim that science and mathematics will increase the children talent. However, ı am at variance with these statements. Humanities courses can increase student social ability. Thanks to this, they feel emotion other people. They can do empathy. Invalidate their claim with these statements. To sum up, schools should do some regulations on syllabus. Schools can be creative on courses. They may give integrated courses in a semester. Students have improve their humanities thanks to this that facilitates job routines.
Benefits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
has been a controversial issue in the community lately. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that science and mathematics have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant benefits, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up that they constitute a number of undeniable profits.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
should find in syllabus. Although both sides have several pros and cons, ı am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
offer have several advantages. There is valuable for society and attractive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business. I will elucidate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of my support with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tangible detail
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an example" or simply "examples"?
an examples
in the following paragraphs.

Firstly
, humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and advantages. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they lack of social ability.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
do not give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on digital life, they lose to relations with family members and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
do not know how struggle with this. Community compose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have emotions, feelings and
Possible spelling mistake found.
thinkings
. Due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn that creates human nature.
Moreover
, public has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable judgement which should transfer to the
next
generations.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have divisive factors among the business life that affects career way.
Consider using "All world" or "All of the world".
All of world
has undergone digital converting which is milestone in this era. Computer programs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
solutions for our problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are formed
with codes which have not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humanity
concept.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
head hunters search for social workers who achieve public. They can find job
easily
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resources department or guest relations.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the sciences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. Supporters of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
claim that science and mathematics will increase the children talent.
However
, ı am at variance with these statements. Humanities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
social ability. Thanks to this, they feel emotion other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They can do empathy. Invalidate their claim with these statements.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations on syllabus.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
can be creative on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. They may give integrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in a semester.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
have
Use past participle here: "improved".
improve
their humanities thanks to this that facilitates job routines.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools should focus more on science and mathematics than on humanities courses. v. 10

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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