Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. v. 1
It is true that nowadays, rich people are getting even richer and poor people have become poorer especially in developing countries. This situation has presented a wide variety of problems in community and it has negatively affected the nation's development. To tackle these problems I believe that governments and authorities should take necessary steps and implement laws to improve the living standards of financially poor people. To begin with, studies have shown that poverty and crimes are correlated due to the fact that people are committing crimes to earn a living. To meet their basic needs, they resort to heinous acts like burglary, theft etc. Schools located in lower-income areas have deficiencies that create their own barriers to learning for students. For instance, even when tuition is free, there are other potentially prohibitive costs associated with attendance such as textbooks, school supplies, uniforms and transportation. On the other hand, there is always competition and discrimination between rich and poor. Furthermore, children of poorer parents are often not able to access higher studies, even though they may have talents. As a result, they are not hired for a well-paying job. This means that they will probably live their lives under uncomfortable circumstances. Moreover, the public health of one country would be deteriorated if people in one country are living in extreme scarcity. To tackle these worrying concerns governments should need to do more work for minimising the gap between poor people and rich people. Firstly, governments should provide financial support for people who are living under uncomfortable financial circumstances. Secondly, governments should ensure the kind of study to all of their citizens and expand learning and employment opportunities for the poor. It should also develop schemes and provide scholarships, which will help people from the poor section afford a quality discipline. The government can reserve some jobs for the poor to ensure their well-being. That will definitely help to reduce the shortage as well as increasing the living standards of financially poor families. Finally, developed countries should take more responsibility and efforts to eradicate poverty from the world. These efforts have already been seen in some African countries and that has helped many people to increase their living standards. To conclude everyone has rights to get access to the education and a quality life. In addition, education may be one of the keys to reducing and eradicating poverty and most useful weapon to fight against it. In this sense, governments should ensure a quality of education to all of their citizens. That will certainly help to reduce the gap between rich and poorer people.
It is true that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting even richer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become poorer
especially
in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This situation has presented a wide variety of problems in community and it has
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the nation's development. To tackle these problems I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and authorities should take necessary steps and implement laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, studies have shown that poverty and crimes
are correlated
due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are committing crimes to earn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs, they resort to heinous acts like burglary, theft etc. Schools located in lower-income areas have deficiencies that create their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
barriers to learning for students.
For instance
, even when tuition is free, there are other
potentially
prohibitive costs associated with attendance such as textbooks, school supplies, uniforms and transportation.
On the other hand
, there is always competition and discrimination between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
.
Furthermore
, children of poorer parents are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
not able to access higher studies,
even though
they may have talents.
As a result
, they are not hired for a well-paying job. This means that they will
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
under uncomfortable circumstances.
Moreover
, the public health of one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
be deteriorated
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in extreme scarcity.

To tackle these worrying concerns
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should need to do more work for
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimising' is British English.
minimising
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should provide financial support for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
under uncomfortable financial circumstances.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ensure the kind of study to all of their citizens and expand learning and employment opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
. It should
also
develop schemes and provide scholarships, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
section afford a quality discipline. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can reserve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
to ensure their well-being. That will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the shortage
as well
as increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards of
financially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families.
Finally
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should take more responsibility and efforts to eradicate poverty from the world. These efforts have already been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and that has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
standards.

To conclude
everyone has rights to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to the education and a quality life.
In addition
, education may be one of the keys to reducing and eradicating poverty and most useful weapon to fight against it. In this sense,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should ensure a quality of education to all of their citizens. That will
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Since science and technology is becoming more and more important, school must emphasise more on teaching science and maths and less on teaching art and humanities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
433 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts