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do you agree or dissagree? some parents believe that video games help students who are between 6-8 years old to study better in schools v.1

do you agree or dissagree? some parents believe that video games help students who are between 6-8 years old to study better in schools v. 1
Todays, people need to be accomplished to be able have competition with others. Through this route, knowledge has significant role. Hence, schools have brilliant impact on students to prepare them for future. Although most parents believe that video games help students to learn better, I think video games are not really effective because of following reasons. First and foremost, wasting time is the first reason why I believe that these kinds of games are not efficient for students. As a matter of fact, gaming companies try to produce attractive and sweet games to be able have tremendous yield in this field of business, so most children are interested in these games and try to finish them as soon as possible to be able start new ones. However, teachers think would it help students during education, the fact is that it is kind of wasting time. Students would spend hours on playing with these games, and they will lose their best times for studying. For example, I remember when I was in elementary school, I spent most of the day on playing video games instead of studying for exams, so I could not get great grades on my exams, because I did not have enough study for my lessons. It shows that video games are not drastically helpful for young students. Second, being tired is another exquisite point that I think video games are not good for education. Statistics show that students who spend a lot of time on playing video games are more tired than be able to focus on their education. These students use their brain for playing, and because of this reason their brain would be dramatically tired to be able focus on lessons. Indeed, their eyes and their minds will weak after couple of months, so they will not have any energy to keep studying in schools or home. For instance, my brother is six years old, and he used to play too much by computer. Every time that I wanted to work with him some mathematics, he was so tired because of playing games. Due to, he did not has any energy to study. To wrap it up, I strongly believe that video games are not really efficient for students, because it cause students be so tired and it wastes their time.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Todays
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to
be accomplished
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
have competition with others. Through this route, knowledge has significant role.
Hence
, schools have brilliant impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to prepare them for future. Although most parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn better, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
really
effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons.

First
and foremost, wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the
first
reason why I believe that these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not efficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. As a matter of fact, gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to produce attractive and sweet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
have tremendous yield in this field of business,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most children
are interested
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and try to finish them as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
new ones.
However
, teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
would it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
during education, the fact is that it is kind of wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
would spend hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and they will lose their best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
for studying.
For example
, I remember when I was in elementary school, I spent most of the day on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of studying for exams,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
great grades on my exams,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
study for my lessons. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
drastically
helpful for young students.

Second, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tired
is another exquisite point that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for education. Statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tired
than be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to focus on their education. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their brain for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, and
because of this
reason their brain would be
dramatically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tired
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
focus on lessons.
Indeed
, their eyes and their minds will weak after
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
months,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will not have any energy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
studying in schools or home.
For instance
, my brother is six years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play too much by computer. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that I wanted to work with him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mathematics, he was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Due to, he did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "have"
has
any energy to study.

To wrap it up, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not
really
efficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Did you mean "causes"?
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tired
and it wastes their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay do you agree or dissagree? some parents believe that video games help students who are between 6-8 years old to study better in schools v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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