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Do you agree or disagree: young people should try many different kinds of jobs or career before they decide the long term career of their life. v.2

: young people should try many different kinds of jobs or career before they decide the long term career of their life. v. 2
" Experience is the father of knowledge" . A little experience in few career fields before deciding the ultimate one can help run a long way into a satisfied and happy life. In the era of evolving careers and opportunity, it can undoubtedly be overwhelming for young, naive, passionate and over enthusiastic fellows waiting to explore the unbounded world ahead of them. Hence, I completely agree with this statement. It is a universal truth that things seen or heard are unlike than lived in. Many a times, people choose careers under this influence and realize the truth later when there is no turning back. Experiencing it, even for a shorter period of time makes person face the reality and gives ideas about the levels of challenges they would have to face in the future. For Instance, in medicine, students have to undergo a compulsary internship programme where they are exposed to different departments. By the end, majority of them are certain and confident about the field they have to expertise in in the future. Secondly, since the pros and cons are known beforehand, there is a higher possibility of choosing the right job. Especially for those who are indispute and cannot decide one. Hence on the longer run, work related stress is seen to be quite less. Tasks and targets are more optimistically handled, aiding in early promotion and less failures. A study in Oxford, have shown that 70% of the people preferred to have a trial of their job beforehand before approving it. And those who got one, are happy and contented with life. To sum up, Despite the process being tidious and time consuming, it proves to be a better option than directly choosing a final career.
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; Experience is the father of
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowledge&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
experience in few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
deciding the ultimate one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
run a long way into a satisfied and happy life. In the era of evolving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
and opportunity, it can
undoubtedly
be overwhelming for young, naive, passionate and over enthusiastic fellows waiting to explore the unbounded world ahead of them.
Hence
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

It is a universal truth that things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
or heard are
Use "(unlike)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
unlike
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a time" or simply "times"?
a times
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
under this influence and realize the truth later when there is no turning back. Experiencing it, even for a shorter period of time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
person face the reality and gives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the levels of challenges they would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face in the future.
For Instance
, in medicine, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo a
Possible spelling mistake found.
compulsary
internship
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
where they
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
departments. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, majority of them are certain and confident about the field they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
expertise
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
the future.

Secondly
, since the pros and cons
are known
beforehand, there is a higher possibility of choosing the right job.
Especially
for those who are
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispute
and cannot decide one.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
on the longer run, work related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to be quite less. Tasks and targets are more
optimistically
handled, aiding in early promotion and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun failures is countable.
less
failures. A study in Oxford, have shown that 70% of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred to have a trial of their job beforehand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
approving it. And those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
one, are happy and contented with life.

To sum up, Despite the process being
Possible spelling mistake found.
tidious
and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
, it proves to be a better option than
directly
choosing a final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay : young people should try many different kinds of jobs or career before they decide the long term career of their life. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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