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Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. v. 2
One of the most controversial issue today relates to where our children can have their better childhood experience. I strongly agree that the life in the country side can make a great impact towards our younger years. In this essay, I am going to examine the situation and give my opinion from both points of view. On one side of the argument, there are people who argue that the benefits of a child living in the suburbs considerably outweigh than those who live in the cities. The main reason for believing this is that people are usually considered to be permanently residing to these areas making the children in a community to have closer relationship with their neighbors. Thus, these closer ties develop trust and camaraderie during recreational activities creating a bond that will grow within them that will form a deeper friendship leading to a better childhood experience. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is also argued that in fact living in a city makes the better upbringing for parents. People often have this opinion because city life is convenient. Living in urban areas provide parents a lot of opportunities for their off springs. Children can have quality education and they are accessible to different facilities like shopping malls which is a perfect place to hang out. However, children at these age would likely enjoy their time being with their playmates. One good example of this was during my generation. Having a memorable experience as a kid means a lot to us especially when we can share stories to our future children. As for myself, it is possible to say that youngsters during my time would choose outdoor plays rather than malls. Being able to form friendship and have a fun games at the streets is the best experience a child can ever have. In conclusion, I strongly agree based on my experience that living in a country side can establish relationships between children that provides them a better childhood experience rather than in a city.
One of the most controversial issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to where our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the life in the country side can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great impact towards our younger years. In this essay, I am going to examine the situation and give my opinion from both points of view.

On one side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that the benefits of a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the suburbs
considerably
outweigh than those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. The main reason for believing this is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
usually
considered to be
permanently
residing to these areas making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in a community to have closer relationship with their neighbors.
Thus
, these closer ties develop trust and camaraderie during recreational activities creating a bond that will grow within them that will form a deeper friendship leading to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
childhood experience.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
also
argued that in fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
upbringing for parents.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
city life is convenient.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
in urban areas provide parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
opportunities for their off springs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can have quality
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they are accessible to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
facilities like shopping malls which is a perfect place to hang out.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at these age would likely enjoy their time being with their playmates. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this was during my generation. Having a memorable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
as a kid means a lot to us
especially
when we can share stories to our future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As for myself, it is possible to say that youngsters during my time would choose outdoor plays
rather
than malls. Being able to form friendship and have a fun games at the streets is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
a child can ever have.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
based on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a country side can establish relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that provides them a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
rather
than in a city.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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