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do you agree or disagree with this statementsuccessful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well v.2

uccessful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well v. 2
When it comes to success, there are numerous factors which has to be considered. As success has many different aspects, it would be hard to consider only one factor to achieve it. However, I personally agree with taking risk rather than doing the same work. There are three main reason to show why I have this preference. First and foremost, taking risk is a must for making progress. If we consider the successful people' s life, we will see how they have experienced different situations to opt the best one. It could be said that there is no success for any person without taking risk. As an instance, my husband is an engineer who was worked in a car company. His income was not as much as he can afford to buy a house or a good car. Two years ago he started to learning about stock market and investing money there. Despite the fact that it was a very big risk in our life, he continued and finally could earn huge amount of profit which changed our life completely. Another prominent reason is that, sticking to old way of thinking, keeps people behind and prevented them to become success. As we see some people just live their lives according to some old fashioned customs and false opinions that would not allow them to experience new technologies and take risks to face new opportunities. I believe that this life style is a barrier to be successful. For example, my father is a retired teacher who has not experienced new technologies such as computer science or even smart phone. I assume that this is a kind of fear to face new science and using them, is made him isolated that leads to a kind of depression. To sum up, taking risk provides people with new world to become successful.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, there are numerous factors which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be considered
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one factor to achieve it.
However
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
rather
than doing the same work. There are three main reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I have this preference.

First
and foremost, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for making progress. If we consider the successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how they have experienced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations to opt the best one. It could
be said
that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
for any person without taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
. As an instance, my husband is an engineer who
was worked
in a car
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. His income was not as much as he can afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
car. Two years ago he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to learning about stock market and investing money there. Despite the fact that it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, he continued and
finally
could earn huge amount of profit which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
completely.

Another prominent reason is that, sticking to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
way of thinking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
behind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
them to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
customs and false opinions that would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies and take
The verb 'risks' is used with the gerund form: "risks facing".
risks to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities. I believe that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style is a barrier to be successful.
For example
, my father is a retired teacher who has not experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies such as computer science or even smart phone. I assume that this is a kind of fear to face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
science and using them,
is made
him isolated that leads to a kind of depression.

To sum up, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
world to become successful.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay uccessful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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