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do you agree or disagree with this statementstudents are more influenced by their teacher rather than their their friends. v.2

tudents are more influenced by their teacher rather than their their friends. v. 2
When it comes to the education, the role of education system and teachers would be so significant. This is a teacher who explores the student' s talent and gives them proper opportunity to try hard and become successful in the future. Considering this crucial role, the teachers are highly affected their students even more than their friends. There are three reason to show why I have this preference. First and foremost, teachers play a role as a model for students; in a way that students try to imitate behavior and personal traits of their teachers. As a result, teachers have very significant impact on student' s manner. For example, when I was going to primary school I had a very kind teacher in fourth grade who paid especial attention to our discipline and clearness of our belongings such as book, notebook and etc. Moreover, it was really important for me to be considered as the best student in class. So, I always kept my things neat to absorb her attention to myself. Another prominent reason is that, teachers especially for younger students are as a symbol of kindness and most of the students like their teacher very much. So, they can highly affect their students. This is an absolute fact that if people like a person, follow him/ her easily and accept his/her talking. For instance, my mother is a primary school teacher and her students like her a lot. I have seen that all students easily accept her speaking even if it would not be correct. Last but not least, the age of teacher is also another reason of teacher impact' s rather than friend' s impact. In other words, I believe that children often are influenced by somebody who are older than them and this is happen usually about teachers to be older than students. Regarding the fact that human being often consider older people as a role model, this matter would be acceptable. To sum up, according to what is discussed earlier, this is so obvious that students are influenced by their teachers rather than their friends.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the education, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
of education system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
who explores the
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s talent and gives them proper opportunity to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and become successful in the future. Considering this crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
even more than their friends. There are three reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I have this preference.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
play a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
as a model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
; in a way that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
try to imitate behavior and personal traits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s manner.
For example
, when I was going to primary school I had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
in fourth grade who paid especial attention to our discipline and clearness of our belongings such as book, notebook
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Moreover
, it was
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for me to
be considered
as the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
my things neat to absorb her attention to myself.

Another prominent reason is that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
especially
for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are as a symbol of kindness and most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
highly
affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. This is an absolute fact that if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like a person, follow him/ her
easily
and accept his/her talking.
For instance
, my mother is a primary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
like her a lot. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
easily
accept her speaking even if it would not be correct.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is
also
another reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
Possible spelling mistake found.
impact&
#039; s
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s impact.
In other words
, I believe that children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
are influenced
by somebody who are older than them and this is happen
usually
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
to be older than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Regarding the fact that human being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model, this matter would be acceptable.

To sum up, according to what
is discussed
earlier, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are influenced
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
rather
than their friends.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay tudents are more influenced by their teacher rather than their their friends. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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