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Do you agree or disagree with this statementOne of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v.2

One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v. 2
When it comes to upbringing children, there are so many issues which have to be considered; from educational to behavioral and financial problems. One of the greatest work to teach the monetary issues to children, is encouraging teenagers to take the part-time jobs. There are three main reasons to show why I have this preference. First and foremost, the best way to learning independence by teenagers is to have a part-time job. When teenagers get use to work, they can experience their first challenges in social life and it could be so valuable if be controlled by parents. For example, my first opportunity to work was in the age of fifteen, in that time it was so hard for me to take the job responsibility but by passage the time I was adopted to the problems more and more. It really helped me in my later jobs to show me how to deal with people in job environment. Another prominent reason is that, learning how to manage the monetary affairs is so significant. This prominent issue even helps people up to the end of their lives and it cannot be earned except by learning it in work. When teenagers are encouraged to take the job they will be learned how money is hard to earn and they will learn how to invest or spend money. As an instance, I am a thirty-year old woman who manage my financial affairs very well, I assume that this is because of starting work since I was a teenager. Last but not least, working in early ages helps youths to gain many worthy experiences for their permanent jobs in future. A twenty five-year old man who does not have any experience in job is not comparable with a man at the same age with ten year record of service. The latter would have better job opportunities and more income level. To sum up, according to the mentioned reasons above, there are lots of advantages to encourage teenagers to take a part-time job.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to upbringing children, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be considered
; from educational to behavioral and financial problems. One of the greatest
Please check whether a plural form of 'work' should be used.
work
to teach the monetary issues to children, is encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to take the part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. There are three main reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I have this preference.

First
and foremost, the best way to learning independence by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
is to have a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they can experience their
first
challenges in social life and it could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
valuable if
be controlled
by parents.
For example
, my
first
opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
was in the age of fifteen, in that time it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by passage the time I
was adopted
to the problems more and more. It
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me in my later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
me how to deal with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment.

Another prominent reason is that, learning how to manage the monetary affairs is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
significant. This prominent issue even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
up to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and it cannot
be earned
except by learning it in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are encouraged
to take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they will
be learned
how money is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
earn and
they will learn how to invest or spend money. As an instance, I am a thirty-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
woman who manage my financial affairs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, I assume that this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since I was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, working in early ages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
youths to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
worthy experiences for their permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. A twenty five-year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who does not have any experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not comparable with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
at the same age with ten year record of service. The latter would have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and more income level.

To sum up, according to the mentioned reasons above, there are lots of advantages to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to take a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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