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Do you agree or disagree with this statement: For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v.2

: For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2
Success in the future job is related to a number of factors. According to what major we have chosen and what kind of job we able to do, there are many different ability which should be considered. Personally, I believe that having good relationship is more important than studying hard to be a successful person in job. There are three main reason to show why I have this preference. First and foremost, one of the crucially important factor that is asked about is public relation which shows the attitude of employee toward people or other colleagues. In fact, some times to relate well to people even is more important than being knowledgeable in a certain area. My personal experience is a good example in this issue. About three years ago I was applied for a job in a company that was marketing area. I was working hard and could progress sooner than I had expected. After six month, although I had lots of information about my job, the manager asked me to quit the job because I could not convince customers to buying more. So, I could not be a successful person in marketing area. Another prominent reason is that, the first thing that in work place will be considered is workers' ability in effective relation with others. In other word, the very first thing that a person shows in job, is speaking and behaving with coworkers or boss. This ability will be affected the perception of others from both your characteristic and skills in job environment. For example, imagine a new accepted person in a company who has problem with one of coworker. If this person cannot solve the problem and find proper solution for that, the superior authority should interfere and solve the problem. This trend will affected the employer mind in negative way that he/ she cannot relate well. Last but not least, studying hard in school or university just guaranty the higher mark but not many other skills that are necessary for working in future. Hence, trying to learn social relationship by taking part in public activities in universities and colleges has higher priority rather than getting good marks. As I mentioned before in the first example, I could not be a successful person in job, although I have had very high marks in university. To sum up, regarding to the fact that the ability to relate well in job environment is the first thing that affects others, should be considered as more important than studying hard in school.
Success in the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is related
to a number of factors. According to what major we have chosen and what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean "we are" or "we were"?
we
able to do, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
which should
be considered
.
Personally
, I believe that having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to be a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There are three main reason to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why I have this preference.

First
and foremost, one of the
crucially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factor that
is asked
about is public relation which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the attitude of employee toward
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
colleagues. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times to relate well to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than being knowledgeable in a certain area. My personal experience is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in this issue. About three years ago I
was applied
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that was marketing area. I was working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and could progress sooner than I had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. After six
Possible agreement error. The noun 'month' seems to be countable, so consider using: "months".
month
, although I had lots of information about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the manager asked me to quit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I could not convince customers to
Did you mean "buy"?
buying
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I could not be a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in marketing area.

Another prominent reason is that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
thing that in work place will
be considered
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
workers&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
in effective relation with others. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
thing that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, is speaking and behaving with coworkers or boss. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the perception of others from both your characteristic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment.
For example
, imagine a new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
who has problem with one of coworker. If this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot solve the problem and find proper solution for that, the superior authority should interfere and solve the problem. This trend will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "affect"
affected
the employer mind in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way that he/ she cannot relate well.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in school or university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
guaranty the higher mark
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that are necessary for working
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Hence
, trying to learn social relationship by taking part in public activities in universities and colleges has higher priority
rather
than getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks. As I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
example, I could not be a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, although I have had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high marks in university.

To sum up,
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ability
to relate well in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
environment is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
first
thing that affects others, should
be considered
as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in school.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay : For success in a future job, the ability to relate people is more important than studying hard in school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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