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More people today are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v.2

More people today are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v. 2
It is comprehensible that mankind is witnessing a devastating recession of physical health nowadays especially the obesity has became a global phenomenon. This circumstance is attributed to the popularity of an unhealthy lifestyle and I strongly believe that tax is an essential tool to suppress this disease. On the one hand, there are two prime reasons leading to this controversial issue. First of all, a great deal of people get addicted to junk foods which lead to numerous detrimental effects. According to the analysis of many scientists, because fast food comprises a copious amount of cooking oil. As a result, their health will be wrecked if they still go along with this unhealthy lifestyle. The second, it is evident that people today not only spend most of their time to work but they also attempt to strengthen the relationship with other people. Consequently, they will be at risk about the weight due to the lack of physical activities. Vietnam perfectly exemplifies this situation, after working time, instead of doing exercise such as the gym, swimming and so on, counterparts always hang out to drink alcohols or eat street food. Several viable solutions can be implemented to mitigate the aforementioned issues. The authorities should levy a steep tax on these notorious products in order to regulate the boom of fast food. Therefore, it will extremely diminish the obesity and make an outstanding contribution to reform a good habit for everyone. Another optimal solution is that individuals are responsible for playing sports more frequently. If people broaden their horizons about the vital role of sports, they will be triumphant to keep fit and avoid many ills. To conclude, the overweight is likely to generate a huge gap in daily relationship. I completely believe that both the governments and individuals should address this issue together for the sustainable development of nations.
It is comprehensible that mankind is witnessing a devastating recession of physical health nowadays
especially
the obesity has
became
a global phenomenon. This circumstance
is attributed
to the popularity of an unhealthy lifestyle and I
strongly
believe that tax is an essential tool to suppress this disease.

On the one hand, there are two prime reasons leading to this controversial issue.
First of all
, a great deal of
people
get
addicted to junk foods which lead to numerous detrimental effects. According to the analysis of
many
scientists,
because
fast
food comprises a copious amount of cooking oil.
As a result
, their health will
be wrecked
if they
still
go along with this unhealthy lifestyle. The second, it is evident that
people
today
not
only
spend most of their time to work
but
they
also
attempt to strengthen the relationship with other
people
.
Consequently
, they will be at
risk
about the weight due to the lack of physical activities. Vietnam
perfectly
exemplifies this situation, after working time,
instead
of doing exercise such as the gym, swimming and
so
on, counterparts always hang out to drink alcohols or eat street food.

Several viable solutions can
be implemented
to mitigate the aforementioned issues. The authorities should levy a steep tax on these notorious products in order to regulate the boom of
fast
food.
Therefore
, it will
extremely
diminish the obesity and
make
an outstanding contribution to reform a
good
habit for everyone. Another optimal solution is that individuals are responsible for playing sports more
frequently
. If
people
broaden their horizons about the vital role of sports, they will be triumphant to
keep
fit and avoid
many
ills.

To conclude
, the overweight is likely to generate a huge gap in daily relationship. I completely believe that both the
governments
and individuals should address this issue together for the sustainable development of nations.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More people today are overweight than ever before. What are the primary causes of this? What measures can be taken to overcome this epidemic? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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