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q1 Describe a place you would like to visit and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v.1

q1 Describe a place you would like to visit and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v. 1
In contemporary times, a myriad of applications are used by masses to translate language online. There is always an ongoing debate whether these softwares are a bane or a boon to mankind. As per my opinion, these utilities can boost tourism sector by providing effective communication and also aid in getting being employed. To begin with, when tourists visit another country, there is always a cultural diversity and they find it quite hard to interact with the locals of that place. Then applications that can transform their dialect to another come to rescue. To exemplify, when I went to Turkey a year ago, there was a huge language barrier. But when I used Google Translator, I was relieved. This app is handy and very convenient. Also, using such services can support job aspirants when they are working outside their native nation. For an instance, knowledge of French is must if one wants to get employed in Montreal, a Canadian province. Learning a new language requires profound knowledge of its grammar, pronunciation and vocabulary. But life becomes easy when an individual uses technology driven applications. Conversely, if technology is used to overcome linguistic barriers, this can even lead to unemployment of people who are working as translators in various firms and organisations. Thereby, affecting one's career. For example, my paternal uncle who was working as an interpreter in a well reputed company in Malaysia, got fired as his organisation's management thought that it is a better idea to use artificial intelligence software than paying his salary, that can be spent on other office work. Consequently, my uncle struggled hard to get another job. To conclude, though, there are some minor drawbacks of using these apps, that can be avoided, but they can certainly empower tourism industry and employment prospects. So, it is not wrong to say that the Pros are much than their Cons.
In contemporary times, a myriad of applications
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by masses to translate language online. There is always an ongoing debate whether these
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
are a bane or a boon to mankind. As per my opinion, these utilities can boost tourism sector by providing effective communication and
also
aid in getting
being employed
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, when tourists visit another country, there is always a cultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
diversity and
they find it quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to interact with the locals of that place. Then applications that can transform their dialect to another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to rescue. To exemplify, when I went to Turkey a year ago, there was a huge language barrier.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Google Translator, I
was relieved
. This app is handy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient.
Also
, using such services can support job aspirants when they are working outside their native nation. For an instance, knowledge of French is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
if one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in Montreal, a Canadian province. Learning a new language requires profound knowledge of its grammar, pronunciation and vocabulary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
life becomes easy when an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
technology driven applications.

Conversely
, if technology is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to overcome linguistic barriers, this can even lead to unemployment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are working as translators in various firms and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
. Thereby, affecting one's career.
For example
, my paternal uncle who was working as an interpreter in a well reputed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in Malaysia,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
fired as his
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
's management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
artificial intelligence software than paying his salary, that can
be spent
on other office work.
Consequently
, my uncle struggled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
another job.

To conclude
, though, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawbacks of using these apps, that can
be avoided
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
certainly
empower tourism industry and employment prospects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that the Pros are
Use "more" to make a comparison with this adjective.
much
than their Cons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay q1 Describe a place you would like to visit and explain why you chose this location. Use details and examples to support your position. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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