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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that it is easier for young people today to make decisions for their own lives than in the past v.1

that it is easier for young people today to make decisions for their own lives than in the past v. 1
It is no doubt that the developed countries should come forward to help the third world countries for their improvements in various sectors. In this essay, we will look at the aspects in some extent with suitable examples. To begin with, richer nations are generally thinking that the poorness is mostly lying on health, food and also education. However, in reality, those factors are not only causing for the issues. The threats like terrorist attacks, natural calamities, political conditions like so many facts that are relying on them. Therefore, temporary solutions like giving funding for some period to come out of the situation at some time is not a good answer for them. They require a permanent solution for them. For instance, Somalia is one of the poorest country, the richer countries, providing money to help them, however the political people looting the money so the normal people getting suffered. Thus, to get relief from poverty for a while, they attack and raid the things of ships on their way. Secondly, the poorer countries were becoming a colonial country once upon a time. Therefore, the kind of the unfair situation existing since the period. A strong statesmanship needed for them to remove such kind of ignorance. The richer nations may not be interfered on their political matters. However, they should guide the peoples representatives rule the country in a healthy way and encourage more trading with them and also share practical ideas for their developments. Consequently, the people live with a better life. To conclude, they need assistance obviously. The richer countries analyse their facts and should give permanent solutions for their improvements on a continual basis, otherwise they will still suffer with their existing issues.
It is no doubt that the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their improvements in various sectors. In this essay, we will look at the aspects in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent with suitable examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
nations are
generally
thinking that the poorness is
mostly
lying on health, food and
also
education.
However
, in reality, those factors are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causing for the issues. The threats like terrorist attacks, natural calamities, political conditions like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts that are relying on them.
Therefore
, temporary solutions like giving funding for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of the situation at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
answer for them. They require a permanent solution for them.
For instance
, Somalia is one of the poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, providing money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them,
however
the political
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looting the money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
getting suffered.
Thus
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relief from poverty for a while, they attack and raid the things of ships on their way.

Secondly
, the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were becoming a colonial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
once upon a time.
Therefore
, the kind of the unfair situation existing since the period. A strong statesmanship needed for them to remove such kind of ignorance. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
nations may not
be interfered
on their political matters.
However
, they should guide the
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoples
representatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
and encourage more trading with them and
also
share practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
for their developments.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with a better life.

To conclude
, they need assistance
obviously
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
their facts and should give permanent solutions for their improvements on a continual basis,
otherwise
they will
still
suffer with their existing issues.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay that it is easier for young people today to make decisions for their own lives than in the past v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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