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do you agree or disagree with the statement? rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v.8

rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v. 8
There is no doubt that physical exercises can contribute to good health status. Although there are many sports facilities available today, there is a growing number of people who have an unhealthy lifestyle. In this essay, I will discuss two main problems associated with this, and put forward some practical remedies. To begin with, there are two core problems accompanied by the sedentary lifestyle. Firstly, people can suffer from high risk of diseases. This is because these days people are working harder than ever before, and depending on unhealthy foods. As a consequence, relatively more calories and fats will go into the body, which means that a person may suffer from some health diseases, such as high blood pressure and diabetes. To illustrate this, according to a recent study from the Faculty of Medicine at Harvard University, 50% of young employees struggled with diseases in 2018 in the UK compared with 20% in 2008. However, if employees dedicate few hours per week to practice physical exercises, their health status will be much better. Work-life balance is considered a good solution for this issue. Furthermore, people have become relatively less socialize in recent years. The reason for this is that they depend on social media platforms, such as Facebook and Instagram to chat with their friends instead of going out and meeting. For instance, nowadays, I am meeting my friends one time per month as compared to almost 3 times per week from 10 years. This can be solved by lessening the use of technology and back to our previous habits. In conclusion, this essay discussed two significant issues associated with the unhealthy lifestyle, and argued that the solution are twofold; to keep work-life balance, to back to our previous traditions.
There is no doubt that physical exercises can contribute to
good
health status. Although there are
many
sports facilities available
today
, there is a growing number of
people
who have an unhealthy lifestyle. In this essay, I will discuss two main problems associated with this, and put forward
some
practical remedies.

To
begin
with, there are two core problems accompanied by the sedentary lifestyle.
Firstly
,
people
can suffer from high
risk
of diseases. This is
because
these days
people
are working harder than ever
before
, and depending on unhealthy foods. As a consequence,
relatively
more calories and fats will go into the body, which means that a person may suffer from
some
health diseases, such as high blood pressure and diabetes. To illustrate this, according to a recent study from the Faculty of Medicine at Harvard University, 50% of young employees struggled with diseases in 2018 in the UK compared with 20% in 2008.
However
, if employees dedicate few hours per week to practice physical exercises, their health status will be much better. Work-life balance
is considered
a
good
solution for this issue.

Furthermore
,
people
have become
relatively
less socialize in recent years.
The reason for this is
that they depend on social media platforms, such as Facebook and Instagram to chat with their friends
instead
of going out and meeting.
For instance
, nowadays, I am meeting my friends one time per month as compared to almost 3 times per week from 10 years. This can
be solved
by lessening the
use
of technology and back to our previous habits.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed two significant issues associated with the unhealthy lifestyle, and argued that the solution are twofold; to
keep
work-life balance, to back to our previous traditions.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay rich people should allocate their wealth with poor people. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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