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Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v.1

Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v. 1
Many practices have changed with the passing generations. Nowadays, people tend to discard broken items, whereas in the past, people used to renovate these things and use them for a longer period. In this essay, I will discuss why these preferences have changed, and what is the impact of this change. These days things change frequently as compared to the past. Electronic gadgets, for example, become obsolete rapidly as the latest technology springs up. As a result, people do not bother to maintain the old items, and they prefer to buy a new product when it becomes available in the market. In addition to this, advanced marketing techniques have influenced the shopping behaviour of consumers. For instance, when a new mobile phone is launched, the advertisements are so persuasive that most young people cannot resist selling their old phones to purchase a new one. These developments have changed the way how people treat their belongings. The change in behaviour has resulted in a more financial burden and increased consumption of resources. Because people are not interested in repairing their defected possessions, they have to spend more to buy new things. Consequently, people endure difficult financial situations. Moreover, we are consuming our resources, both replaceable and irreplaceable at an unprecedented speed. Industries, for example, tend to produce more as the demand for new products increases. These effects show that people save less money and consume more resources. In conclusion, we favour replacing the old items instead of repairing them in contrast to the people of the previous generation. This evolution is a result of frequent changes in styles and updated marketing practices. However, this has placed the populace under immense financial pressure and also resulted in the consumption of more resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
practices have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the passing generations. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to discard broken items, whereas in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to renovate these things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them for a longer period. In this essay, I will discuss why these preferences have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, and what is the impact of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

These days things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
frequently
as compared to the past. Electronic gadgets,
for example
, become obsolete
rapidly
as the latest technology springs up.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not bother to maintain the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
items, and they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
product when it becomes available in the market.
In addition
to this, advanced marketing techniques have influenced the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of consumers.
For instance
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
mobile phone
is launched
, the advertisements are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
persuasive that most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot resist selling their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
phones to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one. These developments have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treat their belongings.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has resulted in a more financial burden and increased consumption of resources.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested in repairing their defected possessions, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
endure difficult financial situations.
Moreover
, we are consuming our resources, both replaceable and irreplaceable at an unprecedented speed. Industries,
for example
, tend to produce more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products increases. These effects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
save less money and consume more resources.

In conclusion
, we
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
replacing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
items
instead
of repairing them
in contrast
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the previous generation. This evolution is a result of frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in styles and updated marketing practices.
However
, this has placed the populace under immense financial pressure and
also
resulted in the consumption of more resources.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children over the age of 15 should be allowed to vote. In your opinion, which modern invention or scientific discovery has affected society the most? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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