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Do you agree or disagree with the following: young people nowadays do not give enough time to help the community. v.2

with the following: young people nowadays do not give enough time to help the community. v. 2
Each community has its own needs. As citizens, we all should get together to help our society to bloom. Inviting young people in the participation of the improvement of our community is an important aspect. Some people believe that youths, nowadays, are engaged in helping our community. Others disagree. In my personal view, I believe that young people are not helping enough our community for many reasons. First of all, parents may influence how their kids become in the future. They play a tremendous role of engaging their kids in the community. Nowadays, everybody is busy in doing something. Many children, since a very young age, are exposed to technological gadgets like Tablets and iPads, and all what they think is how to spend a good time. Parents, unfortunately, are encouraging this behavior and they don' t see the future consequences of the overuse of these items. Kids learn how to not deal with the reality and grow up with " I don' t care" attitude. For example, as a teacher in a preschool, I can see kids every day caring less about what they should do, like to put their toys away after they are done or to organize their books or any material that they used, because simply, they reflect what, in their houses, are use to do. Moreover, it seems that parents are not putting much effort instilling responsibility in their kids. , therefore, those kids will grow up without caring about their communities if they don' t even care about helping their parents at home, how can we expect from them to be involved in helping our society. Second, the grow of careless feeling decrease the willing to help. Furthermore, " I don' t care" attitude has a negative impact on willingness to help those who are in need. For instance, every day we are confronted in social media, or television, to horrific images, showing consequences of wars and disasters. Every day people are killed or injured and we get further and further desensitized to these kinds of pictures, it becomes something normal to see. Besides that, we see homeless everywhere, they may be sleeping outside in freezing weather and many people will pass by without intervening because simply people don' t care anymore about others pain, we are very consumed by our own problems and lives as a result, young people will copy what adults are doing, they learn from us, and, indeed, some of us are bad example. we influence young people' s behavior to not help our community and not be engaged that much. In sum, young people are not helping their community not just because they don' t have time but because they are not interested to do so. Also, we all should review our behavior and the way how we raise our kids to have responsible human beings.
Each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
needs. As citizens, we all should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our society to bloom. Inviting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the participation of the improvement of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that youths, nowadays,
are engaged
in helping our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Others disagree. In my personal view, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not helping
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may influence how their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
become in the future. They play a tremendous role of engaging their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
. Nowadays, everybody is busy in doing something.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
children, since a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age,
are exposed
to technological gadgets like Tablets and iPads, and all what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is how to spend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
, unfortunately, are encouraging this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behavior and
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the future consequences of the overuse of these items.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
learn how to not deal with the reality and grow up with
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
Possible spelling mistake found.
care&quot
; attitude.
For example
, as a teacher in a preschool, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
every day caring less about what they should do, like to put their toys away after they
are done
or to organize their books or any material that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
simply
, they reflect what, in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, are
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
do.
Moreover
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not putting much effort instilling responsibility in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
therefore
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will grow up without caring about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
if they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t even care about helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at home, how can we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from them to
be involved
in helping our society.

Second, the
The word 'grow' is a verb. Did you mean the noun "growth"?
grow
of careless feeling decrease the willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
Furthermore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; I
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t
Possible spelling mistake found.
care&quot
; attitude has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on willingness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
those who are in need.
For instance
, every day we
are confronted
in social media, or television, to horrific images, showing consequences of wars and disasters. Every day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are killed
or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
injured and
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
further
and
further
desensitized to these kinds of pictures, it becomes something normal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
Besides
that, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
homeless everywhere, they may be sleeping outside in freezing weather and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will pass by without intervening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
simply
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t care
Make sure that 'anymore' is used as an adverb, not as an adjective. Did you mean "any more"?
anymore
about others pain, we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
consumed by our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will copy what adults are doing, they learn from us, and,
indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
we
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s behavior to not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
and not
be engaged
that much.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not interested to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Also
, we all should review our behavior and the way how we raise our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to have responsible human beings.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes

IELTS essay with the following: young people nowadays do not give enough time to help the community. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
477 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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