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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements？ Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life. v.1

？ Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life. v. 1
Environmental problems, such as global warming, overfishing, and a decrease in biological diversities, are urgent tasks that are faced by many governments. While I agree that increase oil prices for cars could be an effective way to tackle environmental problems, I could argue that there is much that governments and individuals can and should do to protect the planet. Increasing fuel prices is certainly an immediately effective way to alter people’s purchasing behaviour. The expectation is, as the oil price goes higher, the number of people who drive cars will decrease. This would lead to less carbon dioxide emissions and better air quality. But this method might only have short-term effects, as some people are just not sensitive to price and will continue driving cars. A more feasible solution could be a long-term solution involving educating the general public, especially the young generation. Environmental problems are rising at an alarming rate due to the fact that people are not aware of how their lifestyles, for example, not using public transportation and using plastic bags, could have a severe negative impact on the environment. By raising awareness and educating how each individual could live an environmentally friendly way, the problems could be solved gradually in the coming generations. Furthermore, business owners also have a role to play. For example, banning the use of plastic bags and replacing them with renewable material can help to minimize the “white waste” and contribute to a cleaner environment. In conclusion, increasing the fuel price would help to protect the environment to an extend. But more importantly, governments, individuals, and business sectors should act collectively to create a greener planet.
Environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as global warming, overfishing, and a decrease in biological diversities, are urgent tasks that
are faced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that increase oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
for cars could be an effective way to tackle environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I could argue that there is much that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals can and should do to protect the planet.

Increasing fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
is
certainly
an immediately effective way to alter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
purchasing
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. The expectation is, as the oil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
goes higher, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who drive cars will decrease. This would lead to less carbon dioxide emissions and better air quality.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this method might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have short-term effects, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
not sensitive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
and will continue driving cars.

A more feasible solution could be a long-term solution involving educating the
Consider using "public".
general public
,
especially
the young generation. Environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are rising at an alarming rate due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of how their lifestyles,
for example
, not using public transportation and using plastic bags, could have a severe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the environment. By raising awareness and educating how each individual could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an
environmentally
friendly way, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
could
be solved
gradually
in the coming generations.

Furthermore
, business owners
also
have a role to play.
For example
, banning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of plastic bags and replacing them with renewable material can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to minimize the “white waste” and contribute to a cleaner environment.

In conclusion
, increasing the fuel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to protect the environment to
After 'an', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'extend' is correct. If 'extend' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
an extend
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
more
importantly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, individuals, and business sectors should act
collectively
to create a greener planet.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay ？ Playing sports teaches people more lessons about the life. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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