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It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. To what extent do you th v.1

It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. 1
Many people believe that these extracurricular subjects should be added with other academic subjects to the syllabus. For the overall development of children, including subjects like music, art, drama and creative writing along with subjects like math and science is of utmost importance and I strongly agree with this opinion. Firstly, including non-academic subjects like music, art, creative writing in the syllabus helps the students enormously. Students who indulge in such courses develop a very creative and their imaginative thinking helps them with their academic performance. For instance, a student having artistic skills would find it easier to learn science and even solve mathematics problems. Secondly, these courses help to reduce the academic pressure on children. Undoubtedly, in todays world, children are constantly in a race to be better than their peers academically. In such a stressful situation, these subjects act as a buffer and break the monotony of academic subjects. Studies have proved that these activities give students some time to relax their mind. For instance, parents and schools have noticed that students who have taken up non- academic classes along with regular subjects, turn out to have a better focus, motivation and are much more enthusiastic while studying their academic subjects. Some students are gifted in their creative abilities, if such hidden talents are uncovered in schools, this would be encouraged to take up as a profession later on in life. For example, many creative professionals have mentioned during interviews that if they were never given an opportunity in their schools to express their skills it would have been difficult for them to find a profession merely based on academic subjects. Additionally, students are given a platform to nurture, improve and perfect their talents and hobbies. In conclusion, extra-classroom activities like music, art, creative writing help in reaping benefits of improving students thinking abilities. It also gives them a break from their strenuous routine and helps these young people’s minds to rejuvenate. Thus, I strongly feel that it should be mandatory for all schools to add these fun and light subjects to their routine timetables. Also encouraging these subjects could teach the students about their traditions and cultures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that these extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to the syllabus. For the
overall
development of children, including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music, art, drama and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
writing along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like math and science is of utmost importance and I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

Firstly
, including non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like music, art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
writing in the syllabus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enormously
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who indulge in such courses develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
and their imaginative thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
having artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
would find it easier to learn science and even solve mathematics problems.

Secondly
, these courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
pressure on children.
Undoubtedly
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
world, children are
constantly
in a race to be better than their peers
academically
. In such a stressful situation, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
act as a buffer and break the monotony of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. Studies have proved that these activities give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to relax their mind.
For instance
, parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have noticed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have taken up non-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
classes along with regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, turn out to have a better focus, motivation and are much more enthusiastic while studying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
subjects.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are gifted
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
abilities, if such hidden talents
are uncovered
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, this would
be encouraged
to take up as a profession later on in life.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
professionals have mentioned during interviews that if they were never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
it would have been difficult for them to find a profession
merely
based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a platform to nurture,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and perfect their talents and hobbies.

In conclusion
, extra-classroom activities like music, art,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
creative
writing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in reaping benefits of improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
thinking abilities. It
also
gives them a break from their strenuous routine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
these young
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "peoples"?
people’s
The verb 'minds' is used with the gerund form: "minds rejuvenating".
minds to rejuvenate
.
Thus
, I
strongly
feel that it should be mandatory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
these fun and light
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
to their routine timetables.
Also
encouraging these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
could teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
about their traditions and cultures.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is often argued that children must be protected from unsuitable material on TV and the Internet by government censorship. Others say that this is the parents' responsibility to control what their children do and watch. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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