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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does. v.790

Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does. v. 790
Everyone wants to have a happy life. People participate in different activities to meet their needs. Some people are of the opinion that people who are surrounded us determine our happiness while others believe that our job has a greater effect on it. There is an old saying in my country which " your wealth doesn' t determine your life satisfaction" . However, I insist that our jobs have a significant effect on the quality of our lives which nothing could compete with it. In the following, I am willing to support my perspective by proposing two main arguments. First and the foremost reasons lies in the fact that our jobs directly influence on our living conditions. If we were not interested in our profession, it would ruin our private lives. There are scores of example around us that people' s careers made them overwhelmed and frustrated. Various factors such as salary, work environment, and people' s interest affect their job satisfaction. For instance, consider a situation which a man works as taxi driver. He has to work about 10 hours each day to pay the bills and fulfill his family' s needs. Moreover, he has to have a high level of concentration on the road. When he comes back to his house, he is totally enervated. Therefore, his family would be unhappy about their living condition. In the long-term, his career can destroy his life. Another subtle factor rests on the notion that we spend a considerable amount of time in the workplace. Everyone virtually works about 35 percent of our waking hours. If people were not satisfied in their jobs, it would be hard to change it. But we can avoid those people who we do not like them. Avoidance is a good strategy for those people that you do not want to be in touch with them. But in the workplace, it is not as convenient as other places. In that case, we should be able to work with our boss or colleagues who might bother us. I concede this is highly case-dependent. It means that for some people, it might be easy to change their jobs as well as they do not like it. However, in some places such as my country, finding a job is a big challenge for young people. If they are lucky to find it, then they have to work hard to save it. In these circumstances, we cannot expect to resign as well as we do not like it. In contrast, regarding our friends, we have a high level of freedom to choose them or not. To sum up, I would like to point out that our job has an indispensable effect on our life. Not only do we spend a great part of our lives in the workplace but it also determines our status in the society. Some professions need special requirements and have a great income while others might have fewer requirements or less salary but more satisfaction. We all should improve our knowledge and skills to get a good job and have a better welfare.
Everyone wants to have a happy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their needs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are surrounded
us determine our happiness while others believe that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has a greater effect on it. There is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying in my country which
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; your wealth
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t determine your life
Possible spelling mistake found.
satisfaction&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
However
, I insist that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have a significant effect on the quality of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which nothing could compete with it. In the following, I am willing to support my perspective by proposing two main arguments.

First
and the foremost reasons lies in the fact that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
directly
influence on our living conditions. If we were not interested in our profession, it would ruin our private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. There are scores of example around us that
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s careers made them overwhelmed and frustrated. Various factors such as salary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s interest affect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.
For instance
, consider a situation which a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
works as taxi driver. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
about 10 hours each day to pay the bills and fulfill his
Possible spelling mistake found.
family&
#039; s needs.
Moreover
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have a high level of concentration on the road. When he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, he is
totally
enervated.
Therefore
, his family would be unhappy about their living condition. In the long-term, his career can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
his life.

Another subtle factor rests on the notion that we spend a considerable amount of time in the workplace. Everyone
virtually
works about 35 percent of our waking hours. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were not satisfied in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, it would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
we can avoid those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who we do not like them. Avoidance is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
strategy for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that you do not want to be in touch with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the workplace, it is not as convenient as other places.
In that case
, we should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with our boss or colleagues who might bother us. I concede this is
highly
case-dependent. It means that for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it might be easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as well
as they do not like it.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places such as my country, finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
challenge for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If they are lucky to find it, then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to save it. In these circumstances, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to resign
as well
as we do not like it.
In contrast
, regarding our friends, we have a high level of freedom to choose them or not.

To sum up, I would like to point out that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has an indispensable effect on our life. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do we spend a great part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the workplace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
determines our status in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professions need special requirements and have a great income while others might have fewer requirements or less salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more satisfaction. We all should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and have a better welfare.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does. v. 790

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
517 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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