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do you agree or disagree, when p[eople succeed, it is entirely based on hard work. Luck has nothing to do with their success. v.1

, when p[eople succeed, it is entirely based on hard work. Luck has nothing to do with their success. v. 1
Success is the thing that everybody wants to achieve. No one in this world doesn’t want to achieve success. Everyone in this world is passionate and works hard for it. Yet, success means different for different people. For some, success means a good career, money whereas for some it means happy and prosperous life, a good relationship. No one can deny that hard work is the main ingredient to achieve success in ones’ life. However, I strikingly believe that luck also plays a tiny role in achieving that success that we are craving for. To elaborate more on this topic mentioned above, the following reasons and examples will be presented. First and foremost, I believe that hard work is the main key to reaching the success that everybody desires. Nevertheless, luck plays a vital role. In other words, just simply working hard doesn’t guarantee success most of the time. There are plenty of people running and battling for the same thing that you endeavor for, but sometimes, even after sweating and working days and nights, still we are far from reaching our aim, and all our hard works go in vain and here I believe is due to lack of luck. My aunt’s experience is a compelling example of what I mean. My aunt has finished her medical studies from our country, and she was eager to go oversea for her further studies. Her friend told her that it’s likely unattainable because of high competition however, my aunt studied hard for the exams like everyone else and to her surprised she got accepted into one of the ivy league universities of the United States. Hence, her luck indeed played a role despite a huge competition among the students who have the same qualifications as her. Aside from the points, I made above to my best knowledge, success is always combined with luck and hard work. It' s our responsibility to do our best and work immensely hard and success will always follow us when we have the luck. For instance, two of my friends started their business a few years back, they have the same educational background. Though one of them could not do well and she had to leave her business, while the other friend of mine did tremendously well that her business got expanded and she has many employees working under her. She has also got awarded and acclaimed as one of the best businesswomen of the year. This example illustrates that both of my friends worked extremely hard while one got very lucky that she achieved her success in no time while unlike my other friend. In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that luck has nothing to do and only hard work plays a role in success because of the reasons that I have mentioned above.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
is the thing that everybody wants to achieve. No one in this world doesn’t want to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Everyone in this world is passionate and works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for it.
Yet
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
career, money whereas for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
means
happy and prosperous life, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship. No one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the main ingredient to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in ones’ life.
However
, I
strikingly
believe that luck
also
plays a tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in achieving that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
that we are craving for. To elaborate more on this topic mentioned above, the following reasons and examples will
be presented
.

First
and foremost, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the main key to reaching the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
that everybody desires.
Nevertheless
, luck plays a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
doesn’t guarantee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
most of the time. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
running and battling for the same thing that you endeavor for,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, even after sweating and working days and nights,
still
we are far from reaching our aim, and all our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
works go in vain and here I believe is due to lack of luck. My aunt’s experience is a compelling example of what I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mean
. My aunt has finished her medical studies from our country, and she was eager to go oversea for her
further
studies. Her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
her that it’s likely unattainable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of high competition
however
, my aunt studied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for the exams like everyone else and to her surprised she
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
into one of the ivy league universities of the United States.
Hence
, her luck
indeed
played a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
despite a huge competition among the students who have the same qualifications as her.

Aside from the points, I made above to my best knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is always combined with luck and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s our responsibility to do our best and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
immensely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
will always follow us when we have the luck.
For instance
, two of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their business a few years back, they have the same educational background. Though one of them could not do
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
well and
she had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
her business, while the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
of mine did
tremendously
well that her business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expanded and
she has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees working under her. She has
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
awarded and acclaimed as one of the best businesswomen of the year. This example illustrates that both of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
worked
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
while one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lucky that she achieved her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in no time while unlike my other friend.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the statement that luck has nothing to do and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
plays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the reasons that I have mentioned above.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay , when p[eople succeed, it is entirely based on hard work. Luck has nothing to do with their success. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
470 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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