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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: People often buy products not because they really need them, but because other people have them. v.2

: People often buy products not because they really need them, but because other people have them. v. 2
In the contemporary society, much ink has been spilled about why people buy the things they why. Some people claim that people often buy products not because they really need them, but because other people have them. Such assertion, however, is torn to pieces by others. As far as I am concerned, this statement is arbitrary and one-sided because it fails to take all the related circumstances into consideration. We should analyze this statement comprehensively before we draw the eventual conclusion. To begin with, many people do not have spare money to but the products that is unnecessary. In China, ten percent of the population process almost ninety percent of the entire fortune of the country, leaving huge amount of people still struggle to meet the basic requirements of living a life, like health care and education. Not to mention the price of the house is through the roof. For example, people in the rural area invest all of their fortune to buy a house located in the urban area so that their children are able to have the opportunities to access the education that is far more better than what they can get back in the rural area. With that being said, these people are not likely to spend money on unnecessary things because they need to save the money for their future. Moreover, modern society has put a lot of pressure on people, making have no have time to figure out what products others have and they do not. Young people, especially those living in the big city, spend all their time surviving. High life expense provides them no spare time and money to focus on others. For instance, my uncle, who lives in Beijing, works ten hours a day, from Monday to Friday. He cannot afford the house close to his company; therefore he rents a house that is far away, and takes him two hours to commute. He usually gets up at six o’clock and comes back home at ten. Sometimes he brings extra work back to finish during weekends. We had a conversation last week when he told me he had not go shopping for a long time. He only grabbed what he really needs on his way home. Thus, people nowadays spend all their time living their own lives and have no time to pay attention to others. Admittedly, some people will buy the products because others around them have it. After trying the products, they are fascinated about the products. Also, they want to keep up with their peers. It is not a rare case that a high school student begs his parents to buy a new released iPhone not only because he needs the new added function, but also he does not to be left behind by his classmates. What he does not know is that the parents of the student using iPhone have the income that is three times more than that of his parents. To buy an iPhone will cost his parents a lot, but for his classmate a new iPhone is only a piece of cake. So we cannot just purchase the products just because other people have it. It is important to evaluate ourselves before we actually pay for the product. In brief, based on the previous discussion, the issue whether or not people often buy products because others have them is complex and needs a case by case analysis. We are not supposed to disregards those situations where the statement is unjustifiable. As a result, I can not totally agree with this statement.
In the contemporary society, much ink has
been spilled
about why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the things they why.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have them. Such assertion,
however
,
is torn
to pieces by others. As far as I
am concerned
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
is arbitrary and one-sided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it fails to take all the related circumstances into consideration. We should analyze this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
comprehensively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we draw the eventual conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that is
unnecessary. In China, ten percent of the population process almost ninety percent of the entire fortune of the country, leaving huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic requirements of living a life, like health care and education. Not to mention the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is through the roof.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the rural area invest all of their fortune to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
located in the urban area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their children are able to have the opportunities to access the education
that is
far
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
than what they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back in the rural area. With that
being said
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not likely to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on unnecessary things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their future.

Moreover
, modern society has put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, making have no have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to figure out what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
others
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
have and
they do not. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
those living in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, spend all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
surviving. High life expense provides them no spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to focus on others.
For instance
, my uncle, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in Beijing, works ten hours a day, from Monday to Friday. He cannot afford the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
close to his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
;
therefore
he rents a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
that is
far away, and takes him two hours to commute. He
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
up at six o’clock and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
back home at ten.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
he brings extra work back to finish during weekends. We had a conversation last week when he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me he had not go shopping for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
grabbed what he
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
on his way home.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays spend all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
living their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to pay attention to others.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
others around them have it. After trying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, they
are fascinated
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Also
, they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their peers. It is not a rare case that a high school student begs his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a new released iPhone not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
the new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
function,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
he does not to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind by his classmates. What he does not know is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of the student using iPhone
The singular proper name 'iPhone' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
the income
that is
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more than that of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
an iPhone will cost his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
a lot,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for his classmate a new iPhone is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a piece of cake.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we cannot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have it. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to evaluate ourselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we actually pay for the product.

In brief
, based on the previous discussion, the issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
others have them is complex and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
a case by case analysis. We are not supposed to disregards those situations where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
is unjustifiable.
As a result
, I can not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
statement
.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay : People often buy products not because they really need them, but because other people have them. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
596 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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