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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: it is never too late to get a degree in university. v.1

: it is never too late to get a degree in university. v. 1
It is well known fact that due to the advancement in technology, the mobile phone plays a very important role in the life of every individual. Some think that it is beneficial for children, if the parents give mobile phones them, whereas some others are against. I will discuss both the views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, how the mobile phone is beneficial for the development of children. First and foremost point is enhanced their knowledge. In the modern era, doing education become more and more difficult day by day, so it is very taught for children do it, if they have a mobile phone they can easily solve any type of problem regarding to their study with the help of internet because there are huge amount of solutions are available on the internet, with the help of that solves the children can solve the problem at any place or any time. Moreover, in these days, children do not have enough time because of their busy schedule, they only have little leisure time and live always under the burden of their study, if they have electronic gadget like mobile, they can easily communicate with their friends and relatives, with this their bonding become strong and they can also share their feelings with each others. On the other hand, how mobile phones has a negative impact on children. Firstly, nowadays, mostly all the children have their own mobile phones, they totally concentrate on that device as compared to their study, which is very harmful for their overall development because sometime due to the enough usage of mobile phone, it effects on their eyesight. Furthermore, the second problem is faced by children is obese Because they do not aware about their fitness while using a mobile phone and sometimes they eat too much food while using a phone. To conclude, both the views have equal importance, but I think that, it depends on children, how to use mobile phones.
It is well known fact that due to the advancement in technology, the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the life of every individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if the parents give mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
them, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are against. I will discuss both the views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

On the one hand, how the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is beneficial for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
First
and foremost point
is enhanced
their knowledge. In the modern era, doing education become more and more difficult day by day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
taught for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do it, if they have a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
they can
easily
solve any type of problem
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
their study with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are huge
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "amounts"?
amount
of solutions are available on the internet, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of that solves the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can solve the problem at any place or any time.
Moreover
, in these days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their busy schedule, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
leisure time and
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'live'.
live always
under the burden of their study, if they have electronic gadget like mobile, they can
easily
communicate with their friends and relatives, with this their bonding become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strong and
they can
also
share their feelings with each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
.

On the other hand
, how mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
, nowadays,
mostly
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, they
totally
concentrate on that device as compared to their study, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for their
overall
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
sometime due to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
usage of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, it effects on their eyesight.
Furthermore
, the second problem
is faced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is obese

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they do not aware about their fitness while using a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they eat too much food while using a phone.

To conclude
, both the views have equal importance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, it depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : it is never too late to get a degree in university. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
334 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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