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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v.2

For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 2
Advertising is one of the most crucial aspects in the any successful buiseness undoubtly. It may introduce the business to the people who are not familiar to it, and a good advertising may cause winning a selling competition. unfortunately many business managers think that spending a lot of money on advertisement would be a waste of sources, but there are so many evidents that these kind of thinking will lead to failure. In my point of view, every business should allocate a proper amount of money for some kinds of advertisment in their annual budget, and I will explain my reasons, later in the essay. First of all, investing some money on advertising a product or a business itself, will definitely return the money back, along with its profit. because when prople get more familiar with a product or business, the amount of potential costumers increases consequently. I will explore this idea with an example. About two years ago, I accidentlay find a sugar-free lemon soda in a grocery store. It was so delicious and the price was reasonable. I introduced it to my family and my friends and they all liked it a lot. but whenever I asked somebody about this product, I found out that almost nobody knows about it and due to the absence of proper adverising, people could not understand about the exsitance of this tasty soda. So after a year of not selling so much, the company had to stop its production and now there are none in the markets. That' s why I think putting amount of money to introduce your product to the people is not a unprofitable investment. Secondly, by the mean of advertisement you can win a competiton from your similar co-businesses. In a situation that two businesses are offering a similar service, or producing an anologous product, the one which is more popular among the people will get the most profit from the contest. For instance to demonstrate this idea clearly, there are two major automobile company in my country, IKCO and SAI, which their cars are almost identical to each other from the aspect of quality and appearance. From the beginnig, IKCO was always behind the SAI in selling thier cars. But from 10 years ago, the selling rate of IKCO started to increase gradually and now they put their competitor behind. When were asked about their key factor of their success, they expressed that they increase the budget of advertisement by 22%. So it can be seen that by investing on the advertising the business you can get ahead of your competitors. To put it in a sum, I strongly support the idea that the businesses should spend a lot of money on the advertising, and I fell that way because by doing this, they can introduce their services and products to the puplic, and also win a competition from those who offer almost the same product or service. I highly recommend the managers to not afraid of investing on advertisement cause it brings you more profit.
Advertising is one of the most crucial aspects in the any successful
Possible spelling mistake found.
buiseness
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtly
. It may introduce the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not familiar to it, and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
advertising may cause winning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
competition.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
unfortunately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
managers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
would be a waste of sources,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
evidents
that
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of thinking will lead to failure. In my point of view, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
should allocate a proper amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisment
in their annual budget, and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons, later in the essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on advertising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
itself, will definitely return the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
back, along with its profit.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
when
Possible spelling mistake found.
prople
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more familiar with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
, the amount of potential costumers increases
consequently
. I will explore this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with an example. About two years ago, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
accidentlay
find a sugar-free lemon soda in a grocery store. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delicious and the price was reasonable. I introduced it to my family and my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they all liked it a lot.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
whenever I asked somebody about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, I found out that almost nobody knows about it and due to the absence of proper
Possible spelling mistake found.
adverising
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not understand about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
exsitance
of this tasty soda.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
after a year of not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
its production and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
there are none in the markets.
Possible spelling mistake found.
That&
#039; s why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
putting amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to introduce your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
not
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unprofitable investment.

Secondly
, by the mean of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
you can win a
Possible spelling mistake found.
competiton
from your similar co-businesses. In a situation that two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are offering a similar service, or producing an
Possible spelling mistake found.
anologous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, the one which is more popular among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most profit from the contest.
For instance
to demonstrate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
clearly
, there are two major automobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in my country,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IKCO
and SAI, which their cars are almost identical to each other from the aspect of quality and appearance. From the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beginnig
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
IKCO
was always behind the SAI in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
cars.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
from 10 years ago, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
selling
rate of
Possible spelling mistake found.
IKCO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to increase
gradually
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they put their competitor behind. When
were asked
about their key factor of their success, they expressed that they increase the budget of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
by 22%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that by investing on the advertising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ahead of your competitors.

To put it in a sum, I
strongly
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the advertising, and I fell that way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by doing this, they can introduce their services and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
puplic
, and
also
win a competition from those who offer almost the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or service. I
highly
recommend the managers to not afraid of investing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
cause it brings you more profit.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
509 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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