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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v.338

For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 338
It is often argued that the students with higher grades should be rewarded with their academic performance. However, It is equally important to recognize the efforts of those students who show improvement to motivate them to perform well in the future. Traditionally, students maintaining highest grades are rewarded in almost all the education sector of the globe. It not only boost the level of motivation of those students, but also elevate the standard of education and hence promote more competitive environment within an institution. More Importantly, in order to maintain the standards and compete with other top notch institutes, teachers are more focused and devoted towards the performance of students who are already top ranked and reward the students timely to incentivize them. For instance, students with first, second and third position are rewarded with gold, silver and bronze medal respectively during their convocation in universities over the world. On the flip side of the coin, such grading systems can be extremely demoralizing to the students who are putting strenuous efforts to improve their academic results. Such students are just a step away to get their foot in the door and all they need is some attention and encouragement. For example, a school in Italy organizes a road trip every month for those students who show improvement in their grades. Such activities promote competitive environment and push other students also to work hard and improve their grades. In conclusion, without any denial, position holders should be rewarded and recognized, but concurrently, the education system should also focus on the students who are improving gradually because such students can sometimes become a valuable asset for the nation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with higher grades should
be rewarded
with their academic performance.
However
, It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to recognize the efforts of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
improvement to motivate them to perform well in the future.

Traditionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
maintaining
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
grades
are rewarded
in almost all the education sector of the globe. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
boost the level of motivation of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
elevate the standard of education and
hence
promote more competitive environment within an institution. More
Importantly
, in order to maintain the standards and compete with other
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
institutes, teachers are more focused and devoted towards the performance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are already top ranked and reward the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
timely to incentivize them.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
first
, second and third position
are rewarded
with gold, silver and bronze medal
respectively
during their convocation in universities over the world.

On the flip side of the coin, such grading systems can be
extremely
demoralizing to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are putting strenuous efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic results. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a step away to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their foot in the door and all they need is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attention and encouragement.
For example
, a school in Italy organizes a road trip every month for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
improvement in their grades. Such activities promote competitive environment and push other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their grades.

In conclusion
, without any denial, position holders should
be rewarded
and recognized,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
concurrently
, the education system should
also
focus on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are improving
gradually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become a valuable asset for the nation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay For any business to be successful, it must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 338

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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