Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree? Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v.177

Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v. 177
New technology brought about dramatic changes in our modern world, including business to education. In this regret, I have to admit I belive that technology such as cell phones and social networks not only make the process of educating to children much easier than before but also give a golden opportunity for teachers to teach children efficiently. I will elaborate my reasons in this essay and try to shed some light on my perspective through ample examples. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that new technology enable teachers to keep in touch with their students. For instance, students how could not attend to university could go online and see class' s discussion live. My personal anecdote will well demonstrate this point of view. Last week when I was sick at hospital, my teacher gave me the opportunity to take virtual exam at hospital. He sent pdf version of questions to me and I had to send the ansewrs within the deadline. The story above clearly reveals the advantage of smart phone. From another aspect, a number of experts belive that children could learn while playing online games. The story of my cousin could justify this stand point. He plays almost all days but he gets mark A in his courses, the reason behind his success is, he plays online games such as Challenge Mindes, these kind of games give an opportunity for gamers to ansewrs to questions which are directly related to the university' s coures. To make a long story short, Challenge Minds games pave the path for studing while you are entertaining. Taken all aspects mentioned above into consideration I pretty convinced that modern revolutions in technology such as cell phone and social media pave the path for educating children more efficiently. Meanwhile, a number of people belive that cell phones and online games are nothing but waste of time and money and children who dedicate considerable amount of time dealing with new technology do not have enough time to study and make teaching process most difficult ever than before.
New
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
brought about dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in our modern world, including business to education. In this regret, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as cell phones and social networks not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the process of educating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
much easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give a golden opportunity for teachers to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
efficiently
. I will elaborate my reasons in this essay and try to shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on my perspective through ample examples.

The
first
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enable teachers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their students.
For instance
, students how could not attend to university could go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible spelling mistake found.
class&
#039; s discussion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. My personal anecdote will well demonstrate this point of view. Last week when I was sick at hospital, my teacher gave me the opportunity to take virtual exam at hospital. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
Possible spelling mistake found.
pdf
version of questions to me and I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
ansewrs
within the deadline. The story above
clearly
reveals the advantage of smart phone.

From another aspect, a number of experts
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could learn while playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The story of my cousin could justify this stand point. He plays almost all days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
mark A in his courses, the reason behind his success is, he plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Challenge
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mindes
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
give an opportunity for gamers to
Possible spelling mistake found.
ansewrs
to questions which are
directly
related to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
university&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
coures
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, Challenge Minds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
pave the path for
Possible spelling mistake found.
studing
while you are entertaining.

Taken all aspects mentioned above into consideration I pretty convinced that modern revolutions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
such as cell phone and social media pave the path for educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more
efficiently
. Meanwhile, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that cell phones and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
waste of time and money and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who dedicate considerable amount of time dealing with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teaching process most difficult
Use "(ever)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
ever
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay Educating children become more difficult than before due to the new technology such as social networks, online games and cell phones v. 177

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts