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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v.29

To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 29
It is said that electronic devices have altered how juvenile users enjoy their spare time. In my opinion, the benefits are brought by this tendency totally outweighed the drawbacks. On the one hand, Internet addiction may put you at risk of physical illness and passive life style. It is proved that keeping eyes glued to screens and consoles for a long period of time will lead to poor vision, backache and headache. Moreover, this reality develops a sedentary style of living that is extremely detrimental for the adequate growth of children. For instance, children with lack of social interaction and outdoor activities are more likely to have communication barriers and physical laziness as grownups than others. Nevertheless, advanced technology offers us brilliant chances to broaden our knowledge, expose to information and connect people all around the world easily. Thanks to interactive software and online courses, learning how to master a skill has been simplified than ever. For instance, a new language can be learned effectively, effortlessly, freely and excitingly through applications or websites with only a few simple clicks. Furthermore, the growth of social media and search engines have facilitated the communications throughout the world. For example, digital devices such as computers, smart phones or tablets allow them to open a meeting from home, update the hottest news in every part of the world conveniently and easily. Despite of the cons, this direction has clearly given a boost to life efficiency and heightened the quality of life. Therefore, I strongly believe that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages.
It
is said
that electronic devices have altered how juvenile users enjoy their spare time. In my opinion, the benefits
are brought
by this tendency
totally
outweighed the drawbacks.

On the one hand, Internet addiction may put you at
risk
of physical illness and passive life style. It
is proved
that keeping eyes glued to screens and consoles for a long period of time will lead to poor vision, backache and headache.
Moreover
, this reality develops a sedentary style of living
that is
extremely
detrimental for the adequate growth of children.
For instance
, children with lack of social interaction and outdoor activities are more likely to have communication barriers and physical laziness as grownups than others.

Nevertheless
, advanced technology offers us brilliant chances to broaden our knowledge, expose to information and connect
people
all around the world
easily
. Thanks to interactive software and online courses, learning how to master a
skill
has
been simplified
than ever.
For instance
, a new language can
be learned
effectively
,
effortlessly
,
freely
and
excitingly
through applications or websites with
only
a few simple clicks.
Furthermore
, the growth of social media and search engines have facilitated the communications throughout the world.
For example
, digital devices such as computers, smart phones or tablets
allow
them to open a meeting from home, update the hottest news in every part of the world
conveniently
and
easily
.
Despite of
the cons, this direction has
clearly
given
a boost to life efficiency and heightened the quality of life.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that the advantages are more significant than the disadvantages.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay To be successful, a business must spend a lot of money on advertising. v. 29

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
260 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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