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Do you agree or disagree with that it is necessary to ask other people about your decision. Give specific reason to support your view. v.2

with that it is necessary to ask other people about your decision. Give specific reason to support your view. v. 2
Life is about choices. Making a decision plays an essential part in people' s lives. Some people believe that a person' s choice is something personal. In contrary, others disagree. As far as I am concerned, in certain circumstances we need to share others' perspectives. Perhaps we lack experience, also to avoid negative consequences, and two heads are always better than one. Following are a brief explanation of my point of view. First of all, our life looks easier than our grandparents. Our generation does not need the help or care from their relatives. We can live independent, and the technology around us provides an ultimate support. However, the experience is necessary for guides. Because not everything we learn published in books or websites. Take an example, an eighteen years old young adult graduated from high school and willing to apply for a university program. No doubt, he/she can not do that alone. Parents' advice and experience are needed. Since college' s life is not an easy thing. In fact, this is the first time for those kids to live away from their parents' houses. They might need to work and regulate their schedule, also living the dormitory life is not always nice. Second, in some cases, it is mandatory to share your plan or your thinking with the people around you. Especially, when your decision is not for yourself. It is part of your responsibility to ask and share the idea with them to avoid any dangerous circumstances. For example, when my husband applied for an immigration visa to the USA for our family. He discussed everything with his parent and me. Of course, change the country means to change your life forever. It is not an easy thing to quit your job, transfer your kids to another culture which speaks the different language, or even take a risk of being jobless. His responsibility forced him to share that fundamental decision. Finally, people says that two heads are always better than one. Again, we have to ask others' point of view about our idea. They can clear the fog and shadow from our decision. For instance, if a person wants to apply for a job. He needs to ask his parent and an individual who works in that position. There are many pros and cons would be clear for him/her. All in all, I agree to share other people the idea before taking the final decision. We still need some experience people to highlight our plan. Also, our responsibility forces us to share our perspectives to avoid the danger of wrong consequences. And, many people' s idea is better than one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
is about choices. Making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
plays an essential part in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that a
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s choice is something personal. In contrary, others disagree. As far as I
am concerned
, in certain circumstances we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039; perspectives. Perhaps we lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
,
also
to avoid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, and two heads are always better than one. Following are a brief explanation of my point of view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
looks easier than our grandparents. Our generation does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
or care from their relatives. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
independent, and
Consider using "the surrounding technology".
the technology around us
provides an ultimate support.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is necessary for guides.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
not everything we learn published in books or websites. Take an example, an eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
young adult graduated from high school and willing to
You can apply for a job or welfare, but you apply to a university. Revise: "apply to a university".
apply for a university
program. No doubt, he/she can not do that alone.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parents&
#039; advice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
are needed
. Since
Possible spelling mistake found.
college&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not an easy thing. In fact, this is the
first
time for those kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. They might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to work and regulate their schedule,
also
living the dormitory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not always nice.

Second, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, it is mandatory to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
your plan or
Did you mean "you're" or "you are"?
your
thinking with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around you.
Especially
, when your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is not for yourself. It is part of your responsibility to ask and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
with them to avoid any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
circumstances.
For example
, when my husband applied for an immigration visa to the USA for our family. He discussed everything with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and me.
Of course
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the country means to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
forever. It is not an easy thing to quit your job, transfer your kids to another culture which speaks the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
language, or even take a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of being jobless. His responsibility forced him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
that fundamental decision.

Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
says
that two heads are always better than one. Again, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ask
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039; point of view about our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the fog and shadow from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
.
For instance
, if a person wants to apply for a job. He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to ask his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
and an individual who works in that position. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros and cons would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
for him/her.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
taking the final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. We
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to highlight our plan.
Also
, our responsibility forces us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
our perspectives to avoid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
consequences. And,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
idea
is better than one.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes

IELTS essay with that it is necessary to ask other people about your decision. Give specific reason to support your view. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
442 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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