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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school Use specific reasons to support your answer v.1

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school Use specific reasons to support your answer v. 1
A group of people considers that to help people directly is better while from others’ perspectives the local and international organizations are more effective to engage in charity activities. In this essay, we will discuss the characteristics of two distinctive approaches. The people who want to support others can easily access to organizations which arrange such type of activities and they create the special funds that the donations are gathered from different parts of the globe. If you contact the philanthropic organizations, it will be easy to find out to whom you want to help. However, in some cases, people cannot determine where they should spend their money. On the other hand, the international organizations make distances reachable. It means that it does not matter where you are, you can help the people who live in the feminine in Africa or the children who work in the sweatshops in Vietnam. In other words, such types of non-profit entities make endowment activities available to the people who live with a busy schedule and do not have enough opportunities to take part directly. There is another assertion that to help others directly is more beneficial for both sides. It would give more spiritual impact when you personally meet the people in need. The communication with them would have more influence on you than the acknowledgments given by the organizations. Although it is difficult to determine and directly involve the donation events in foreign countries, there are a lot of volunteers such as doctors, academicians, celebrities or ordinary people who go and live in Africa to be part of the different face of the world. In this case, your money will directly spend on necessities in spite of the administrative costs of organizations. In conclusion, the aim of both opinions is the same and I do not consider that there are any limitations on how to feel responsibility. Individual conditions put such type of dilemmas and make people tend to help from a distance while the moral side of issue demand face to face interaction with people in need.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considers that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directly
is better while from others’ perspectives the local and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
are more effective to engage in charity activities. In this essay, we will discuss the characteristics of two distinctive approaches.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to support others can
easily
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
which arrange such type of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they create the special funds that the donations
are gathered
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the globe. If you contact the philanthropic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
, it will be easy to find out to whom you want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot determine where they should spend their money. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
distances reachable. It means that it does not matter where you are, you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the feminine in Africa or the children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in the sweatshops in Vietnam. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, such types of non-profit entities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
endowment activities available to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with a busy schedule and do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
directly
.

There is another assertion that to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directly
is more beneficial for both sides. It would give more spiritual impact when you
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need. The communication with them would have more influence on you than the acknowledgments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
. Although it is difficult to determine and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directly
involve the donation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in foreign countries, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
volunteers such as doctors, academicians, celebrities or ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Africa to be part of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
face of the world.
In this case
, your money will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
directly
spend on necessities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the administrative costs of organizations.

In conclusion
, the aim of both opinions is the same and I do not consider that there are any limitations on how to feel responsibility. Individual conditions put such type of dilemmas and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from a distance while the moral side of issue demand face to face interaction with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school Use specific reasons to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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