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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.142

All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 142
In several countries, the legal age to obtain a driving license is 18 years. While some believe this is an apt age to start driving, others ascertain that the age limit should be increased to 25 years. I personally believe with the latter part of the argument and will shed light on both view-points with relevant examples. On the one hand, several teenagers are found to be reckless and careless in terms of driving. They enjoy the thrill and speed associated with driving, and usually neglect the basic safety measures such as wearing a seat belt and using the indicator while changing lanes. For instance, a study conducted by the Accident and Damage Control Unit in India revealed that most of the drivers who met with an accident in the year 2012, were youngsters of 18 to 19 years of age. In addition, it also showed that the prime reasons for the occurrence of these accidents were over-speeding and not abiding by traffic laws. Thus, teenagers cannot be trusted with the moral responsibility of safe driving. On the other hand, there are a few teenagers who do obey traffic rules and drive in an orderly fashion. Moreover, having a license at the age of 18 can help them seek job opportunities. Also, adolescence is the age where they can learn new skills and thrive to be better at it as they grow older. For instance, several youngsters without any formal education, have managed to get jobs as drivers in India, since they had a driving license. In conclusion, although there are a few advantages of gaining a driving license at the age of 18, the negative impacts associated with it overweigh the benefits. I believe that 25 is the ideal age to start driving, as individuals are bound to be more responsible and drive safely.
In several countries, the legal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license is 18 years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe this is an apt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, others ascertain that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
limit should
be increased
to 25 years. I
personally
believe with the latter part of the argument and will shed light on both view-points with relevant examples.

On the one hand, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are found
to be reckless and careless in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
. They enjoy the thrill and speed associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, and
usually
neglect the basic safety measures such as wearing a seat belt and using the indicator while changing lanes.
For instance
, a study conducted by the Accident and Damage Control Unit in India revealed that most of the drivers who met with an accident in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2012, were youngsters of 18 to 19 years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In addition
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the prime reasons for the occurrence of these accidents were over-speeding and not abiding by traffic laws.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
cannot
be trusted
with the moral responsibility of safe driving.

On the other hand
, there are a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who do obey traffic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and drive
Consider replacing "in an orderly fashion" with the adverb for "orderly"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an orderly fashion
.
Moreover
, having a license at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18 can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them seek job opportunities.
Also
, adolescence is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
where they can learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and thrive to be better at it as they grow older.
For instance
, several youngsters without any formal education, have managed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs as drivers in India, since they had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license.

In conclusion
, although there are a few advantages of gaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
license at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts associated with it
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the benefits. I believe that 25 is the ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
driving
, as individuals
are bound
to be more responsible and drive
safely
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 142

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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