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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v.869

To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v. 869
Undoubtedly, education is an important tool that is applied in the contemporary world to succeed, as it mitigates the challenges which are faced in the life. This opens doors of opportunities that enables individual to achieve better prospects in all facets of life. With this in mind, there exists a controversial view as to whether the governments should spend their budgets on the adults education or children. As far as I am concerned, children have several advantages in compared to adults that provokes them to pay their major attention to these group of the society, among which, enjoying high capacities and active brains, having much leisure times without any engaging, and possess significant potentials to be a prosperous and effective person for the future of the country are of conspicuous reasons. To begin with, children enjoys an active brains in comparison to the elderly people as well as they have outstanding capacity in learning new stuffs. One of the greatest privileges of the education is related to the advancement of a country both economically and socially among the other countries, which the talents and mind activities play a vital role in realizing this settings. Accordingly, recent medical statistics prove the fact that children are subject to learning versatile educational materials and the governmental education planners can impose their interests and requires conveniently to these spectrum than adult people. Although it may assert that allocating a significant educational budget on adults can fortify the soul of education and literacy level, it can adversely affect the future schedules on the research and education contents. Obviously, adults have important engaging in their life such as working in the offices and the companies in order to afford their families, making crucial decisions on their children' s future, and allot a few time on the leisure times, to name but a few. Consequently, they cannot spend their time on the educational issues better than children can. In contrast, young adults have great deal of time in spending it on different innovations, discoveries and planning for their educational future. Therefore, encouraging children to the educational environments can lead a society toward the brilliant and astonishing educational future. Last but not least, without any shadow of doubt, children are the paramount human resources of any society as far as the development and progress of each country depends on their innovations and willpower in the near future. In this regard, developed countries have reached to the fact that investing a great deal of plans and budget on children in educational centers, not only leads children to the active persons in diverse activation in the society, but also constructs more initiative and useful individuals for the future modification in the community. In contrast, elderly people have no required willpower to be helpful and effective for their community anymore. Thus, the governments through dedicating enough money on children' s education can kill two birds with one stone: exploiting young adults in fulfilling the needs of the society in the future, and upbringing useful children for the community. To sum up, any country in order to reach real development in contemporary world should accept the fact that achieving prosperous and development depends on different factors and they have to exploit all of them in proper way through putting especial attention. As it was mentioned in the passage, education one of the important sections which needs to precise and specific schedules because it plays important role in constructing an ideal society.
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
tool that
is applied
in the contemporary world to succeed, as it mitigates the challenges which
are faced
in the life. This opens doors of opportunities that enables individual to achieve better prospects in all facets of life. With this in mind, there exists a controversial view
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should spend their budgets on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have several advantages in compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
that provokes them to pay their major attention to these group of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, among which, enjoying high capacities and active brains, having much leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
without any engaging, and possess significant potentials to be a prosperous and effective person for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
are of conspicuous reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoys an active brains
in comparison
to the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as they have outstanding capacity in learning new stuffs. One of the greatest privileges of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is related
to the advancement of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
both
economically
and
socially
among the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which the talents and mind activities play a vital role in realizing
Did you mean "these"?
this
settings.
Accordingly
, recent medical statistics prove the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are subject to learning versatile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
materials and the governmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
planners can impose their interests and requires
conveniently
to
Did you mean "this spectrum" or "these spectra", "these spectrums"?
these spectrum
than adult
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Although it may assert that allocating a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
can fortify the soul of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and literacy level, it can
adversely
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
schedules on the research and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
contents.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
engaging in their life such as working in the offices and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in order to afford their families, making crucial decisions on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, and allot a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.
Consequently
, they cannot spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
issues better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can.
In contrast
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in spending it on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
innovations, discoveries and planning for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Therefore
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
environments can lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
toward the brilliant and astonishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
future.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, without any shadow of doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the paramount human resources of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as far as the development and progress of each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
depends on their innovations and willpower in the near
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. In this regard, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have reached to the fact that investing a great deal of plans and budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
centers, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the active persons in diverse activation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
constructs more initiative and useful individuals for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
modification in the community.
In contrast
, elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have no required willpower to be helpful and effective for their community anymore.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
through dedicating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can kill two birds with one stone: exploiting young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in fulfilling the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, and upbringing useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for the community.

To sum up, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in order to reach real development in contemporary world should accept the fact that achieving prosperous and development depends on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
factors and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
exploit all of them in proper way through putting especial attention. As it
was mentioned
in the passage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
sections which needs to precise and specific schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it plays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in constructing an ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v. 869

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
579 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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