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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements? Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.19

Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 19
In today' s progressive world we live in, no one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that it is crucial for a work to be accomplished by its expert, if it needs to be done perfectly. It is claimed that nowadays, people are so busy doing lots of things simultaneously that they do few things well. I would like to be approved of this idea, even though some other sociologists are standing on the opposite side. There are two main reasons why I feel this way, which are going to be explained in the following essay. The first reason coming to mind is that the more time you devote to a specific work, the better it would be accomplished. In other words, if people have enough time for doing something, they obviously will have enough time to think better, use other people' s help, and so on. By doing this, they will kill two birds by one stone because not only they can finish that work in an accurate way, but also will not get stressed for their upcoming works. An experience in my own life could be a proper example to illustrate this point. I am a hardworking person so I always want to do a lot of things together in a short period of time. In consequence, like in last semester of my Bachelor' s program, I can not afford it. I chose to take both Math 1 and Math 2 and actually, due to this idea I failed in both classes. Another factor which should be taken into consideration is that although people can handle the situation of doing things simultaneously, without decreasing the quality of their works, after a while, they usually will be exhausted of accomplishing their works. Therefore, they may suddenly drop everything they are doing or will do in the future, and never try to finish them again. According to an empirical study in Middle East which was done by a group of scientists, 97 percent of people, which had chosen this method of doing their work, dropped them and got depressed, in only two years. Hence, this example clearly illustrates that if you always accomplish too many works together, how indispensable it is to omit some unnecessary works from your plan. In conclusion, it is my firm conviction that if people do so many hard things together, they will not succeed. This is because of tiredness and getting depressed.
In
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s progressive world we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, no one can cast a shadow of doubt on the fact that it is crucial for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
be accomplished
by its expert, if it needs to
be done
perfectly
. It
is claimed
that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
lots of things
simultaneously
that they do few things well. I would like to
be approved
of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sociologists are standing on the opposite side. There are two main reasons why I feel this way, which are going to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following essay.

The
first
reason coming to mind is that the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you devote to a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the better it would
be accomplished
.
In other words
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something, they
obviously
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
better,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. By
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this, they will kill two birds by one stone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can finish that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
Consider replacing "in an accurate way" with the adverb for "accurate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an accurate way
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
for their upcoming works. An experience in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life could be a proper example to illustrate this point. I am a hardworking person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I always want to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things together in a short period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In consequence, like in last semester of my
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachelor&
#039; s program, I can not afford it. I chose to take both Math 1 and Math 2 and actually, due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
I failed in both classes.

Another factor which should
be taken
into consideration is that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can handle the situation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things
simultaneously
, without decreasing the quality of their works, after a while, they
usually
will
be exhausted
of accomplishing their works.
Therefore
, they may
suddenly
drop everything they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
or will do in the future, and never try to finish them again. According to an empirical study
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Middle East".
in Middle East
which
was done
by a group of scientists, 97 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which had chosen this method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, dropped them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
depressed, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two years.
Hence
, this example
clearly
illustrates that if you always accomplish too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
works together, how indispensable it is to omit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unnecessary works from your plan.

In conclusion
, it is my firm conviction that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
things together, they will not succeed. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of tiredness and getting depressed.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Because people are busy doing so many different things, they do very few things well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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