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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v.403

To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v. 403
According to governments of various countries, it is better to industries and businesses to move to the rural places outskirt of the cities. In my opinion, it is more advantageous. Firstly, as everything has pros and cons, so the advantages of this option exists too. For example, transporting industries and various businesses in the rural areas may occur some problems in the people's commuting. The distance of their way impacts to their time. In addition, other disadvantages of moving industries and businesses to the suburb of the cities are the lack of transportation. Actually, in the cities, people easily go to their jobs by different transportations, such as taxi or underground, however, in the rural areas possibility of this thing is lower than the opposite one. So, the consequences of such kind of reasons cause some troubles for the human beings. On the other hand, there are certainly the pros of this idea that the most of the people believe it. For instance, relocating of different businesses and industries is protecting the people from the dirty weather that is very harmful for human body. The smoke of the industries may pollute the environment as well, however, spreading of this can be prevented by applying such a perfect idea. Secondly, it helps the decreasing of the traffic congestion. Traffic is the main problem in many people's daily lives, so it helps not to cause traffic jams. Furthermore, it may be the best opportunity for the poor people to find a job. In conclusion, I believe that relocating the businesses and industries to the suburb of the cities is the best idea compared to that other option.
According to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of various countries, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the rural
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "places'" or "place's"?
places
outskirt of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In my opinion, it is more advantageous.

Firstly
, as everything has pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the advantages of this option exists too.
For example
, transporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in the rural areas may occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's commuting. The distance of their way impacts to their time.
In addition
, other disadvantages of moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to the suburb of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are the lack of transportation. Actually, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
go to their jobs by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
transportations, such as taxi or underground,
however
, in the rural
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
possibility of this thing is lower than the opposite one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the consequences of such kind of reasons cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
troubles for the human beings.

On the other hand
, there are
certainly
the pros of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe it.
For instance
, relocating of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
is protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the dirty weather
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for human body. The smoke of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
may pollute the environment
as well
,
however
, spreading of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by applying such a perfect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
Secondly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the decreasing of the traffic congestion. Traffic is the main problem in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
not to cause traffic jams.
Furthermore
, it may be the best opportunity for the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a job.

In conclusion
, I believe that relocating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to the suburb of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
compared to that other option.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay To achieve successful development of a country, a government should spend more money on young children's education rather than on universities'. v. 403

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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