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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People can't be happy with what they have; they always want something new or different. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.862

People can't be happy with what they have; they always want something new or different. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 862
I think that most of the people are looking for new opportunities to make change in their life. They go to university to gain more knowledge then they can find a decent job. After that they try to promote in their job to have better position and finally they attempt to have some program even when they become retired. So human commonly wants to have best and happy future. First, people mostly go to university or sometimes they pursue other’s experiences to gain more skills, because they know that the science and technology are power. Moreover, going to university helps people to make friends and socialize a lot and this is a great chance for learners to become familiar with new groups with more ease. For example when I went to university, although I learned many lessons in our school, I found many other scientific groups that they worked on simulation software. Thus I could learn many applicable software from them. In my opinion going to university can one the first step to be happy. Second, after getting graduated from university, the next step is applying for desired job. If someone cannot find an appropriate position, it causes to be depressed. I think during education we have to gain other valuable skills, such as how to behave with our manager and something like that. These skills are effective to reach our favorite job. When you have a great job you can feel the amenity, so you can move ahead. Usually when people see that they are promoting consequently they have comfortable feeling to their situation. The consistent position can make people unhappy. The last one, even retired and old people need to have hope in their life. If we passed previous steps well, we can expect that the future is hopeful. Many people have especial program for their retirement. For example my father established a new small factory near the city after six decades of his life and now he makes small dolls. Because he senses the progress, he is so happy. All in all, human needs hope, change and development to feel he is happy. Due to our repetitive life many of people feel they are disappointed and unhappy. There are some ways stated above to feel better even though what I have mentioned is just few of them.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are looking for new opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. They go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to gain more knowledge
Did you mean "than"?
then
they can find a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. After that they try to promote in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to have better position and
finally
they attempt to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "programs"?
program
even when they become retired.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
human
commonly
wants to have best and happy future.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
mostly
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they pursue other’s experiences to gain more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know that the science and technology are power.
Moreover
, going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends and socialize a lot and this is a great chance for learners to become familiar with new groups with more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
For example
when I went to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, although I learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
lessons in our school, I found
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other scientific groups that they worked on simulation software.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
I could learn
Possible agreement error. The noun software seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much applicable software", "a good deal of applicable software".
many applicable software
from them. In my opinion going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can one the
first
step to be happy.

Second, after getting graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, the
next
step is applying for desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. If someone cannot find an appropriate position, it causes to
be depressed
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
during education we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
gain other valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as how to behave with our manager and something like that. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are effective to reach our favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. When you have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
the amenity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
ahead.
Usually
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that they are promoting
consequently
they have comfortable feeling to their situation. The consistent position can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unhappy.

The last one, even retired and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have hope in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. If we passed previous steps well, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that the future is hopeful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have especial program for their retirement.
For example
my father established a new
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
factory near the city after six decades of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
dolls.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he senses the progress, he is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
happy.

All in all, human needs hope,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and development to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
he is happy. Due to our repetitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they
are disappointed
and unhappy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways stated above to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
better
even though
what I have mentioned is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few of them.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People can't be happy with what they have; they always want something new or different. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 862

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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