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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v.783

People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v. 783
Nowadays, people often have hectic days during their activities. One of the most rigors of having hectic days is having unfavorable feelings. Therefore, people need to have special programs for relaxation in order to have better mood. Some people believe that they should relax with some actions related to their main tasks during the work. Having an opposite viewpoint, I firmly believe that having fun with hobbies or playing sports will have a more effective results in this regard. In what follows, the most outstanding reasons will be pinpointed. First and foremost, hobbies and physical activities lead people to have a better performance after relaxation. People can experience something different and challenging that can be useful for them in the long run. For instance, I had been working as a mechanical engineer for three years before I changed my position in the company. I had always bustling times which had made me mad. I felt nervous disorders during engagement with design activities. One of my close friends had a suggestion for me to participate in a gym club near the company. I tried it and after a while having physical activities in the club with my friend had a profound effect on my mental conditions. Consequently, I realized that the best method for relaxation for me is playing aerobic activities alongside the other people. Apparently, it was completely different from my own main activities at work. Another significant point is that health conditions of people will improve efficiency with hobbies and exercises. People often have stressful conditions during their works. Therefore, exercises help them to have a healthy lifestyle. Needless to say, it will have terrific outcomes for having a nice relaxation. Let' s consider my little brother' s experience as an example. He has always confronted with difficult circumstances during his work as a painter. He had to sit for a long time and have a strong concentration on his paintings. He said that relaxation helps him to feel better, but he did not know the most effective method. I proposed him to have some hobbies like playing cards with his colleagues. After a while, his anxieties during the work declined dramatically and he recovered his mental health conditions. Had he experienced something different like smoking or painting, his health conditions would have become worse rather than have proper relaxation. In brief, by taking into account all the aforementioned reasons, it seems that having fun with hobbies or physical activities is a rational method to relax. Not only do they help people to have a better performance, but also their health conditions will be in the higher level. Therefore, this strategy is highly recommended for everyone who wishes to have an effective relaxation.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have hectic days during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. One of the most rigors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
hectic days is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
unfavorable feelings.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have special programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
in order to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
mood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they should relax with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions related to their main tasks during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
an opposite viewpoint, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
fun with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
or playing sports will have a more effective results in this regard. In what follows, the most outstanding reasons will
be pinpointed
.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can experience something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and challenging that can be useful for them in the long run.
For instance
, I had been working as a mechanical engineer for three years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my position in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I had always bustling times which had made me mad. I felt nervous disorders during engagement with design
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. One of my close friends had a suggestion for me to participate in a gym club near the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. I tried it and after a while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the club with my friend had a profound effect on my mental conditions.
Consequently
, I realized that the best method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
for me is playing aerobic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
alongside the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Apparently
, it was completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
at work.

Another significant point is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
efficiency with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and exercises.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have stressful conditions during their works.
Therefore
, exercises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have a healthy lifestyle. Needless to say, it will have terrific outcomes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Let&
#039; s consider my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake found.
brother&
#039; s experience as an example. He has always confronted with difficult circumstances during his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a painter. He had to sit for a long time and have a strong concentration on his paintings.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
He
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he did not know the most effective method. I proposed him to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
like playing cards with his colleagues. After a while, his anxieties during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
declined
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dramatically and
he recovered his mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. Had he experienced something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
like smoking or painting, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions would have become worse
rather
than have proper relaxation.

In brief
, by taking into account all the aforementioned reasons, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
fun with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is a rational method to relax. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
performance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions will be in the higher level.
Therefore
, this strategy is
highly
recommended for everyone who wishes to have an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relaxation
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v. 783

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
454 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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