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Some people enjoy change, others live their life the same. compare these two approaches to life. which approach do you prefer? v.1

Some people enjoy change, others live their life the same. compare these two approaches to life. which approach do you prefer? v. 1
Some people enjoy changes and they look forward to new experience, others like their lives to staty the same and they do not change their usual habit. Changes are normal during everybody lives as they grow older. Changes are different in charectrisitics and nature for sure. Some people enjoy changes and look forward to have changes in their life but some people think that their life is stable and they do not like to change anything. I respect those who have an idea of stable life and resist changes, But I personally believe that changes are inevitable because of following reasons; First of all, when people were born in wealthy country they do not have any doubt about their futre. They will not change their country most of the time. However I know so many people because of personal reasons or because of the better opportunity for example have changed their countries. For instance I myself although I was grown up in wealthy family and as a doctor I immigrated to another country. I was fortunate that this new country is welcoming new immigrants in comparison with so many countries that discrimination is there. Moreover, People will change by the time they marry. They have to balance between their needs and their partner needs. Then when they have children children might want change their counties. It is better opportunity for them to have jobs elsewhere. Parents might want to be with their children if they are not mature enogh. Furthermore, when there is a war in developing countries they need to change no matter they like or they do not like. For example, recently there was a war in Syria. So people decided to move because it was not safe at all. Many countries help them but in contrast some don' t. In summary, It is correct that some people do not want to have change in their lives but I believe we as human being need to be ready to change and it is right to become ourselves appropriate for change.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
changes and
they look forward to new experience, others like their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
staty
the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
same and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their usual habit.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Changes
are normal during everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as they grow older.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Changes
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
charectrisitics
and nature for sure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
and look forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to having".
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in their life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their life is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stable and
they do not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
anything. I respect those who have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of stable life and resist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are inevitable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons;

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were born
in wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
they do not have any doubt about their
Possible spelling mistake found.
futre
. They will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
most of the time.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of personal reasons or
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because
of the better opportunity
for example
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. For
The comma is probably missing here: "instance, I".
instance I
myself although I
was grown
up in wealthy family and as a doctor I immigrated to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I was fortunate that this new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is welcoming new immigrants
in comparison
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that discrimination is there.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
by the time they marry. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
and their partner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
. Then when they have
Possible typo: you repeated a word
children children
might want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their counties. It is better opportunity for them to have jobs elsewhere. Parents might want to be with their children if they are not mature
Possible spelling mistake found.
enogh
.

Furthermore
, when there is a war in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
no matter they
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
like or
they do not like.
For example
, recently there was a war in Syria.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it was not safe at all.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in contrast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t.

In summary, It is correct that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe we as human being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and it is right to become ourselves appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people enjoy change, others live their life the same. compare these two approaches to life. which approach do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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