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Many magazines have pictures of famous people on holiday or with their families. Is it acceptable for famous people to have less privacy than other people? v.2

Many magazines have pictures of famous people on holiday or with their families. Is it acceptable for famous people to have less privacy than other people? v. 2
Many think that the personal lives of well-known people might be violated by an intrusive media. Although the stated viewpoint is widespread, there are perhaps stronger reasons to argue against this opinion as will now be presented. Primarily, having privacy is a basic psychological need of any human being. Although people are social creatures, some psychologists have proved that a certain degree of privacy is needed to maintain mental and physical health. In fact, research which was conducted on such social animals as rats and chimps has decisively showcased that constant exposure to the observer has an adverse effect on the overall health condition of the objects. In addition, prominent individuals are also citizens; thus, they have a right to have personal life as much as anyone else, and the law protects this right. In other words, the law does not make a distinction between celebrities and people who are not considered famous. Consequently, violation of the law is punishable and reproachable. Finally, some might state that a lack of privacy is a price to be paid for being famous, and that when a person becomes popular, their personal lives automatically become interesting to the public and as a result this interest ought to be satisfied. Although there is a certain merit to this argument, the subject’s lack of control regarding what is revealed publicly is what negates this opinion. To sum up, famous people should not be deprived of their personal life because violation of privacy may have negative health consequences. Moreover, there are legal issues at stake, as the law has a clear protocol for all citizens, regardless of their social position.
Many
think
that the
personal
lives
of well-known
people
might
be violated
by an intrusive
media
. Although the stated viewpoint is widespread, there are perhaps stronger reasons to argue against this opinion as will
now
be presented
.

Primarily
, having privacy is a basic psychological need of any human being. Although
people
are social creatures,
some
psychologists have proved that a certain degree of privacy
is needed
to maintain mental and physical health. In fact, research which
was conducted
on such social animals as rats and chimps has
decisively
showcased that constant exposure to the observer has an adverse effect on the
overall
health condition of the objects.

In addition
, prominent individuals are
also
citizens;
thus
, they have a right to have
personal
life as much as anyone else, and the
law
protects this right.
In
other words, the
law
does not
make
a distinction between celebrities and
people
who are not considered
famous
.
Consequently
, violation of the
law
is punishable and reproachable.

Finally
,
some
might state that a lack of privacy is a price to
be paid
for being
famous
, and that when a person becomes popular, their
personal
lives
automatically
become interesting to the public and
as a result
this interest ought to
be satisfied
. Although there is a certain merit to this argument, the subject’s lack of control regarding what
is revealed
publicly
is what negates this opinion.

To sum up,
famous
people
should not
be deprived
of their
personal
life
because
violation of privacy may have
negative
health consequences.
Moreover
, there are legal issues at stake, as the
law
has a
clear
protocol for all citizens, regardless of their social position.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many magazines have pictures of famous people on holiday or with their families. Is it acceptable for famous people to have less privacy than other people? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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