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Do you agree or disagree with following statement? It is important for governments to protect wild animals and wilderness area for the future. v.11

It is important for governments to protect wild animals and wilderness area for the future. v. 11
As some people may hold the view that the investment in the wild ecosystem for protection is an expense; however, some others may take an opposite viewpoint and believe that the government should focus on this issue in the sake of its importance for their society. I personally agree with the second option. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first exquisite reason which advocates my idea is the importance of the wilderness area in the tourism. There are lists of the factors which make a country attractive and suitable for tourism. The wilder zone is one of these factors which make it appealing. Besides, the tourism has an undeniable effect on the economics of country. Thus, if the government expenses a specific amount of money in this sector, he will earn tenfold of that expense. In fact, this expense is a great investment for prompting the society' s financial resources. The second reason is the adherence of ecosystem. It is cogently and lucidly obvious that the wild animals have a significant role in the ecosystem and food chain. If this chain faces the distraction, it will pave the path for other complicated difficulties. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is the example of Chita in my country. The Chita is one of the popular species in our country; moreover, it has a decent role in the ecosystem. However, by the ignorance of government and ordinary people this specie faces the extinction. By diminishing of this specie there is the bulks increment of elk population. The last reason which confirms the accuracy of my viewpoint is the role of the wilderness region in the reduction of people' s stress. According to the noteworthy intelligible research conducted in my country, more than the sixty one percent of the residents of Tehran are willing to spend their spare time in the jungles, because they approve that this environment has a magic influence on them. They can easily overlook their stress caused by their hectic life. Consequently, these beautiful locations are the candidate of the sightseeing and entertainment among the native people. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead to the conclusion that the government should put the spotlight on the wilderness ecosystem and animals, because in this case the society will possess a great financial resource, complete eco-cycle, and happier people.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the view that the investment in the wild ecosystem for protection is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others may take an opposite viewpoint and believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus on this issue in the sake of its importance for their society. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second option. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
exquisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which advocates my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is the importance of the wilderness area in the tourism. There are lists of the factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
attractive and suitable for tourism. The wilder zone is one of these factors which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it appealing.
Besides
, the tourism has an undeniable effect on the economics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
expenses a specific amount of money in this sector, he will earn tenfold of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
. In fact, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expense
is a great investment for prompting the
Possible spelling mistake found.
society&
#039; s financial resources.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the adherence of ecosystem. It is
cogently
and
lucidly
obvious that the wild animals have a significant role in the ecosystem and food chain. If this chain faces the distraction, it will pave the path for other complicated difficulties. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on the subject is the example of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chita
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chita
is one of the popular species in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
;
moreover
, it has a decent role in the ecosystem.
However
, by the ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
this specie faces the extinction. By diminishing of this specie
Did you mean "there are the bulks"?
there is the bulks
increment of elk population.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which confirms the accuracy of my viewpoint is the role of the wilderness region in the reduction of
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. According to the noteworthy intelligible research conducted in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, more than the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty one
percent of the residents of Tehran are willing to spend their spare time in the jungles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they approve that this environment has a magic influence on them. They can
easily
overlook their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused by their hectic life.
Consequently
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
locations are the candidate of the sightseeing and entertainment among the native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples lead to the conclusion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put the spotlight on the wilderness ecosystem and animals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in this case
the society will possess a great financial resource, complete
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-cycle
, and happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay It is important for governments to protect wild animals and wilderness area for the future. v. 11

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
412 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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