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Currently, the voting age is 18. Some people think the voting age should be changed to 21. Write an op-ed piece in which you argue for or against changing the voting age to 21. v.2

Currently, the voting age is 18. Some people think the voting age should be changed to 21. Write an op-ed piece in which you argue for or against changing the voting age to 21. v. 2
There is no shortage of debate about the right age that a person should be able to vote. Without a question, many would think the perfect age is 18; other may consider other point of view and would like to change it to 21. As far as I am concerned, I strongly agree with the last group: the voting age should be 21. I feel this way, mainly for two reasons I will explore in the following essay. First of all, is my opinion that a eighteen years old person is not mature enough to vote. In this fashion, is important to consider how teenagers present a tendency to express ideas and opinions similar as the ones of their belonging groups, like friends and parents. In other words, the need to belong to a group is such a strong feeling between teenager that, very often, their decisions are under the influence of that group. Thus, teenagers have not the enough maturity to face with responsibility the decision to whom to vote, yet. Secondly, the law lacks of coherence in this topic when allows eighteen years old persons to take some decisions as an adult and prohibit others. To illustrate this idea let' s consider the following example. Today, the law allows voting at the age of 18, but prohibits other actions like drinking alcohol. As many could feel, I think voting the wrong person for president could be as dangerous as drinking alcohol if it is done in an irresponsible manner. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement provides by the topic question about changing the voting age to 21. This is better because the voter would be more mature and less influence by his or her belonging group, and because would bring a coherence in the regulation and law for the limited age' s rights and obligations.
There is no shortage of debate about the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should be able to vote. Without a question,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is 18;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
may consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
point of view and would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
it to 21. As far as I
am concerned
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
: the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should be 21. I feel this way,
mainly
for two reasons I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, is my opinion that
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to vote. In this fashion, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
present a tendency to express
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and opinions similar as the ones of their belonging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, like friends and parents. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, the need to belong to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is such a strong feeling between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, their decisions are under the influence of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have not the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
maturity to face with responsibility the decision to whom to vote,
yet
.

Secondly
, the law lacks of coherence in this topic when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
eighteen years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
decisions as an adult and prohibit others. To illustrate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
Possible spelling mistake found.
let&
#039; s consider the following example.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the law
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voting
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 18,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prohibits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
actions like drinking alcohol. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
could feel, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voting
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for president could be as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
as drinking alcohol if it
is done
Consider replacing "in an irresponsible manner" with the adverb for "irresponsible"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an irresponsible manner
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement provides by the topic question about changing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
voting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
to 21. This is better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the voter would be more mature and less influence by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
belonging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
would bring a coherence in the regulation and law for the limited
Possible spelling mistake found.
age&
#039; s rights and obligations.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Currently, the voting age is 18. Some people think the voting age should be changed to 21. Write an op-ed piece in which you argue for or against changing the voting age to 21. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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