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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v.701

Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v. 701
The answer to this question can be differed from person to person. While some people believe that young people should choose a job like what their parents did, others hold exactly opposite viewpoint. I strongly agree with latter point. There are some reasons, the most outstanding of which will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs. To begin with, so influential have interests been that they have had a great number of positive effects of on people' s lives from around the world, yet above all, they have helped people to follow their goals based on what they are interested in. As a matter of fact, nowadays, young people are educating according to what they like and education provides a great opportunity for them to keep their incentive in reaching their goals. To illustrate this fact, one needs only refer to numerous prosperous people who continued their education to follow their interests. For example, my father had a large grocery store and he had forced my brother to continue his career after his retirement, but my brother was interested in music. After a lot of conversation among them, my father imposed his opinion on my bother, and finally he had accepted my father' s opinion resulting in since my brother did not any interest in that job, he failed. For this reason, had my father not imposed his opinion, my brother would have followed his interests and become successful. The second debatable point is that on the one hand, some people believe that if young people choose their parents job, they will not have any problem to find a job, and also they can start their independent life without any problem, yet one the other hand, some people are convinced that young people are supposed to attend the society in the near future and they should take the responsibility of something to become prosperous in their lives. In fact, if they make their lives by themselves, they will be successful in their lives. For this reason, I strongly agree with the latter idea, for I do believe that the more the experience independent lives, the more they will be responsible man. By way of illustration, based on the intelligible result which conducted in our country, approximately 90 percentage of successful businessmen are the ones starting their business based on themselves and did not choose their parent career. To make a long story short, no one can deny the enormous positive effects of choosing a job which are toward of the parent’s job on young lives. Not only are they able to follow their interests, but also they can be successful in the future due to having valuable experience. Thus, I highly recommend that parent allow their children to choose their job by themselves
The answer to this question can
be differed
from person to person. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
like what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did, others hold exactly opposite viewpoint. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with latter point. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, the most outstanding of which will
be discussed
in the ensuing paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
influential have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
been that they have had a great number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
from around the world,
yet
above all
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow their goals based on what they
are interested
in. As a matter of fact, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are educating according to what they like and education provides a great opportunity for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their incentive in reaching their goals. To illustrate this fact, one needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
refer to numerous prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who continued their education to follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
had a large grocery
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
store and
he had forced my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
to continue his career after his retirement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
was interested
in music. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
conversation among them, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
imposed his opinion on my bother, and
finally
he had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
my
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s opinion resulting in since my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
did not any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, he failed.
For this reason
, had my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
not imposed his opinion, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brother
would have followed his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and become successful.

The second debatable point is that on the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they will not have any problem to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and
also
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their independent life without any problem,
yet
Did you mean "on"?
one
the other hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are supposed
to attend the society in the near
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they should take the responsibility of something to become prosperous in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. In fact, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
by themselves, they will be successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
For this reason
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, for I do believe that the more the experience independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
, the more they will be responsible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
. By way of illustration, based on the intelligible result which conducted in our country, approximately 90 percentage of successful businessmen are the ones starting their business based on themselves and did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
career.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a long story short, no one can deny the enormous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which are toward of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are they able to follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can be successful in the future due to having valuable experience.
Thus
, I
highly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
by themselves
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v. 701

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
461 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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