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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v.253

Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v. 253
The most essential part of the point of development of any child is education, and to get the quality education, it is necessary, what content a child is reading and learning from books or magazine, so I will convince with the fact that reading comics only rot the child's mind and does not help in providing better education. Child phase is always considered an initial phase of life. At that point our mind is so malleable in an action that it can be influenced by anything. We have seen many examples of someone who gets engaged or begins to love something at an early stage, develops his skills in the related profession, For Example Arya Bhatt, who has given complex math problem to solve during the early stage, got developed his maths skills in such a way that he became a great mathematician in the world. Comic books are written in such a way that most of the time it uses inappropriate phrases. It shows the psychology of despicable, who commit crimes because comic books is all about entertainment this term can be easily understood by only adult one. Although a comic book is not meant to manipulate someone and it can be taken as a form of jovial, yet it always influences someone who is at his early stage of learning. According to the report generated by an organisation in Delhi after a survey being done by them, most of the people who accepted their profession as a thief and burglars had a very keen interest in watching crime oriented movies. In conclusion, Although comic books contain both good and evil part in terms of Heroes and Villains, but at the time when we are children our mind is so fragile that it can go in either way, so it is better to avoid reading comics while we are children.
The most essential part of the point of development of any child is education, and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the quality education, it is necessary, what content a child is reading and learning from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or magazine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will convince with the fact that reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rot the child's mind and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in providing better education.

Child phase is always considered an initial phase of life. At that point our mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
malleable in an action that it can
be influenced
by anything. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
engaged or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
something at an early stage, develops his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in the related profession,
For Example
Arya
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhatt
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
complex math problem to solve during the early stage,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
developed his
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in such a way that he became a great mathematician in the world.

Comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are written
in such a way that most of the time it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
inappropriate phrases. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the psychology of despicable,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
commit crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is all about entertainment this term can be
easily
understood by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adult one. Although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
is not meant to manipulate someone and it can
be taken
as a form of jovial,
yet
it always influences someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is at his early stage of learning. According to the report generated by an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
in Delhi after a survey
being done
by them, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
their profession as a thief and burglars had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen interest in watching crime oriented movies.

In conclusion
, Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
contain both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and evil part in terms of Heroes and Villains,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the time when we are children our mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fragile that it can go in either way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better to avoid reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
comics
while we are children.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people shouldchoose a job that is similar to what their parents did v. 253

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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