Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephone has had greater effects on people’s lives than television. v.553

Telephone has had greater effects on people’s lives than television. v. 553
Throughout history, the human kind has had some improvements in technology. Each new technology has made our life easier. In our technological life we can benefit from the telephone, television and other things like that. Some of them has more benefits than the other. Some people believe that the effects of telephone are greater than television, but some of them not. I agree with the statement above for three main reasons which I will explore in the following paragraphs. The most important reason that I want to mention first is that telephone has provided people to talk with each other from long distances, but the television cannot. As we all know people need to not feel alone. And most of the times they cannot meet each other in order to speak and enjoy. They can speak with telephone instead, hence they feel happy. For example when I was in my university I had some friends from long distances. With the help of telephone we were capable of talking with each other whenever we wanted. The second reason which is also important to mention is that we can utilize telephone for job in addition to talk to our friends. In each company there are some employees that need to cooperate with each other. They can use telephone instead of walking in the company and wasting their energy and time. They can use the telephone to have more efficiency in the work environment. For example in my university when I had a request from one of education office staff, she needed to ask a question from other department. For doing that she used the telephone to ask her question. And if the telephone did not exist, so she had to walk to that department. And the last and important reason which is also good to mention is that we can benefit from telephone in the critical situations to save the life and money of some people. There are some situations in which is needed to send a message to a fire station or ambulance or other things like that. In those tough situations in which is needed the help of police, it is necessary to aware them quickly to arrive in few minutes. So the role of the telephone is important for helping other people. Briefly, there are some important uses of telephone that can be beneficial for human kind. As I mentioned telephone can be used for talk to our friends from long distances, and also it can be used for job environments in order to facilitate some duties. The telephone is so helpful in emergency situations. So telephone is more useful than television and has affected our life positively.
Throughout history, the human kind has had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements in technology. Each new technology has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier. In our technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
we can benefit from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them has more benefits than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
are greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them not. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement above for three main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which I will explore in the following paragraphs.

The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that I want to mention
first
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
has provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to talk with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
from long distances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
cannot.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we all know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to not feel alone. And
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in order to speak and enjoy. They can speak with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
instead
,
hence
they feel happy.
For example
when I was in my university I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
friends from long distances. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
we were capable of talking with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
whenever we wanted.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which is
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to mention is that we can utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
for job
in addition
to talk to our friends. In each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees that need to cooperate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
instead
of walking in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and wasting their energy and time. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
to have more efficiency in the work environment.
For example
in my university when I had a request from one of education office staff, she needed to ask a question from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
department. For doing that she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
to ask her question. And if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
did not exist,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she had to walk to that department.

And the last and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to mention is that we can benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
in the critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and money of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in which
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message to a fire station or ambulance or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things like that. In those tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in which
is needed
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of police, it is necessary to aware them
quickly
to arrive in few minutes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the role of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Briefly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
that can be beneficial for human kind. As I mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for talk to our friends from long distances, and
also
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for job environments in order to facilitate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
duties. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
helpful in emergency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
is more useful than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
positively
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Telephone has had greater effects on people’s lives than television. v. 553

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
449 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts