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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v.522

It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v. 522
In today’s opening market, there are thousands of different business but a few successful ones. As we all know, money and funds are a crucial factor for a business’s success, and without it, people cannot even start a new business. According to my perspective, however, a huge amount of money is not a necessary element for the success of a business. First of all, it is hard for people to gather a lot of money at the beginning of the business. Most people want to establish their own business without money. Several poor young pals gather together for the same target. Lots of successful forerunners, like Zuckerberg, Jack Ma and Ma Huateng, establish company form stretch. By earning money and foundation during the rapid development of businesses, they expand their businesses and become eminent businessmen in the world. In this case, there is no such abandon foundation for business at the most time but numerous top businesses constantly come up. Thus, the rich foundation is not dispensable. Secondly, a big deal of money cannot absolutely help businesses pave a way to success. Governments and senior generation sometimes are willing to finance the young to start businesses. With the generous financial aid, just few business can really make profits or only pay back their debts. They can skip some hard developing periods to a big size directly, which means they lose the chances to try their products or ideas on a smaller scale. This kind of business tends to lose a great quantity of foundation if the market tells they are wrong. Therefore, a large number of money is actually risky. In addition, lots of features are more important for businesses to obtain great achievement than money. If Jack Ma has no such ambition that to change the Chinese people’s lifestyle, he will probably sell Ali when the price is suitable. If Ma Huateng has not worked so hard till now, WeChat, an upgrade app from QQ, would not come up, and his company would be easily replaced by other more novel cooperation. If Z could not gain the brilliant idea of establishing an on-campus social media, Facebook can be so prevailing, neither. All those elements, as well as luck, are necessary for the success of businesses. In conclusion, people who can combine all the resources have opportunities to set up a successful business. It is a difficult process fulling with uncertainties, so the people who make it are respectful.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s opening market, there are thousands of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few successful ones. As we all know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and funds are a crucial factor for a business’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, and without it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. According to my perspective,
however
, a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not a necessary element for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of a business.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at the beginning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Several poor young pals gather together for the same target. Lots of successful forerunners, like Zuckerberg, Jack Ma and Ma
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huateng
, establish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
form stretch. By earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foundation
during the rapid development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
, they expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and become eminent businessmen in the world.
In this case
, there is no such abandon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foundation
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
at the most time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
numerous top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up.
Thus
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foundation
is not dispensable.

Secondly
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
cannot
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
pave a way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
and senior generation
The adverb 'sometimes' usually goes after the verb 'are'.
sometimes are
willing to finance the young to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. With the generous financial aid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay back their debts. They can skip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
developing periods to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
size
directly
, which means they lose the chances to try their products or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
on a smaller scale. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
tends to lose a great quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foundation
if the market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Therefore
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is actually risky.

In addition
, lots of features are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to obtain great achievement than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If Jack Ma has no such ambition that to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle, he will
probably
sell Ali when the price is suitable. If Ma
Possible spelling mistake found.
Huateng
has not worked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, WeChat, an upgrade app from
Possible spelling mistake found.
QQ
, would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up, and his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
would be
easily
replaced by other more novel cooperation.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
If
Z could not gain the brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of establishing an on-campus social media, Facebook can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
prevailing, neither. All those elements,
as well
as luck, are necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of businesses.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can combine all the resources have opportunities to set up a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. It is a difficult process fulling with uncertainties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it are respectful.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It's necessary to put a lot of money into a business to make it successful. v. 522

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
409 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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