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TPO 28 Task 2Do you agree or disagree the following statement: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v.2

TPO 28 Task 2: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v. 2
Education is one of the most important things in our lives. Some think that parents of today work harder to help their children in their education than parents in the past. Personally I believe that parents today are more involved in their kids’ education than those in the past for the following reasons. To begin with, people have more awareness about the importance of education. Nowadays to get a good job in the job marketing, you have to have a degree. The easy way to have a stable and secure life financially is through studying in the universities and then getting a great job with sufficient salary to fulfill the basic needs of life. It is better than engaging in free businesses, then you may succeed or not. Therefore parents assist their kids in education to provide suitable lives to them in future. Second, parents today are educated more than parents in the past. Our grandparents especially grandmothers did not receive education. So they do not appreciate the importance of education. On the other hand, most of parents today got higher education and they realize the necessity and the influence of education in the life. Thus, parents today try to give the same level of education and may be more for their sons and daughters by helping them with their homework, buying computers, hiring tutors and providing different means of comfort to provide comfortable and convenient atmosphere for kids to study better. Finally, the economic and social situations are better these days. Parents today are able financially to pay for the universities' expenses or at least participate with some of these expenses. There are also lots of scholarships, loan and other ways that make it easier for kids to get higher education. In addition, today, parents tend to have only a few numbers of children like only one or two. This enables them to focus more on their kids. In contrast, parents in the past tended to have large number of kids, so they did not have enough time and energy to be spent on helping children with their education. To sum up, because of increasing awareness, educated parents, and the good economic and social situations, parents of today are taking better care of their kids’ education than parents in the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
work harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their children in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
Personally
I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are more involved in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than those in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
for the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have more awareness about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Nowadays to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job in the job marketing, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
have a degree. The easy way to have a stable and secure life
financially
is through studying in the universities and then getting a great job with sufficient salary to fulfill the basic needs of life. It is better than engaging in free businesses, then you may succeed or not.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
assist their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to provide suitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to them
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are educated
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. Our grandparents
especially
grandmothers did not receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they do not appreciate the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
On the other hand
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
higher
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they realize the necessity and the influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the life.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
try to give the same level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and may be more for their sons and daughters by helping them with their homework, buying computers, hiring tutors and providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
means of comfort to provide comfortable and convenient atmosphere for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to study better.

Finally
, the economic and social situations are better these days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are able
financially
to pay for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
universities&
#039; expenses or at least participate with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of these expenses. There are
also
lots of scholarships, loan and other ways that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few numbers of children like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one or two. This enables them to focus more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
tended to have large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they did not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time and energy to
be spent
on helping children with their education.

To sum up,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increasing awareness, educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
economic and social situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
today
are taking better care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 28 Task 2: Parents today are involved more in the education of their kids than those in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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