Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE WITH FOLLOWING STATEMENT TECHNOLOGY HAS THE GREAT EFFECT ON CHILDREN LIFE? . v.2

TECHNOLOGY HAS THE GREAT EFFECT ON CHILDREN LIFE? . v. 2
It is a highly debated issue whether or not the Technology has made children less creative than in they were in the past and this can be approached from several angles due to its complexity. Deeply into the issue deliberating to the issue, personally, I believe that Technology beneficial to the children today rather than harmful to the creativity of them and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning. First, Technology made the children taught themselves and not depending on their parents. For instance, take my son as an example, he is now four years old, and before he is entering the ECE he obtains a lot of knowledge and information, that is because he was watching the YouTube of nursing programs that give him the opportunity to learn the alphabetic and a lot of documentaries. Furthermore, his thinking and knowledgeable ability enhanced. While his big brother he is less interested in the technological devices, and sometimes he astonishes by the educational level of his younger brother. Second, the technology made my son more productive, take my self as an example, last week I had to finish to design project for my art class and to prepare a presentation and extremely stuck in my project requirements. But my son Ashraf solved many of my obstacles and helped me to add additional design to my work even though he does not know about my major but he has an application on his self-phone that assist him to learn how to create shoes or canvas, and he is professional. By way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above. I firmly concur that Technology made our children more expertise and worthwhile in their life
It is a
highly
debated issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
less creative than in they were in the past and this can
be approached
from several angles due to its complexity.
Deeply
into the issue deliberating to the issue,
personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
rather
than harmful to the creativity of them and the following discussion reveals my stand and reasoning.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
made the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
taught themselves and not depending on their parents.
For instance
, take my son as an example, he is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
four years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he is entering the ECE he obtains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
knowledge and information,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was watching the YouTube of nursing programs that give him the opportunity to learn the alphabetic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
documentaries.
Furthermore
, his thinking and knowledgeable ability enhanced. While his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
brother he is less interested in the technological devices, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
he astonishes by the educational level of his younger brother.

Second, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
made my son more productive, take my self as an example, last week I had to finish to design project for my art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and to prepare a presentation and
extremely
stuck in my project requirements.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
my son Ashraf solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my obstacles and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
additional design to my work
even though
he does not know about my major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he has an application on his self-phone that assist him to learn how to create shoes or canvas, and he is professional.

By way of conclusion, based on the argument explored above. I
firmly
concur that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more expertise and worthwhile in their
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
life
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay TECHNOLOGY HAS THE GREAT EFFECT ON CHILDREN LIFE? . v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts